The National Rally 2009

Just finished watching the telecast of the Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong speaking at the National Day Rally. The most interesting part of his speech was the part where he showed the progress of Singapore over the years from the 1960s to date. It is amazing to see how the nation has changed so much.

No more talk of babies tonight. Has the government given up? A recent article in the papers reported that despite the amount of bonus payouts, the number of births have not increased. Why do people not want to have children? Many people say it's not easy to have children. It is a costly process and a very heavy responsibility which comes with the commitment.

What does it take to encourage our people to have babies? I think it's not just the monetary incentives. We need a change in mindset. The inculcation of family values from young is very important. But with today's educated society which is open to many channels of information, it is not easy to do that. When we watch a movie, surf the internet, read a book, listen to the radio or watch television, we receive many messages. It may be a blatant "in your face" type of message or it may be a sublimal one. Whatever we hear, however seemingly trivial, will have an effect on us.

Keane is now able to string 2 or 3 words into a phrase although he still sticks to the basics. But what is cool now is that he occasionally picks up a book to ask me to read it to him. This is a huge leap from his behaviour in the beginning of this year. He knows when to say thank you when someone does something for him. But he still has a habit of yelling or throwing a tantrum when he doesn't get what he wants. I suspect it's because he is still unable to vocalize his needs and the easiest way, from his past experience, seems to be to throw a tantrum. We are now making an effort to show him that a tantrum is not the way to go. Why do I say it is an effort? It's normally easier to just give in to him and have instant peace once he receives gratification. But that is not the best way to handle things, not for his development anyway. So I'm making an effort to spend more time with him and explain things to him more. I hope it will work. But according to a colleague of mine, "HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY!". He gave me this quote from one of his ex managers. So we'll have to commit to educating Keane and make a plan, so says Peter Drucker.

I heard about the Precious First Born theory over the radio. It seems that parents pay much more attention to their first borns than they do to their subsequent children. It seems that first borns are more favoured over the rest. The first borns get their diapers changed faster than the second or later. Parents are more anxious about their first borns. Personally I think it's a natural behaviour. With experience from taking care of the first born, parents tend not to over-react when something happens with the second or younger children. It's not that the second child is not as important. It's more like the parent has learnt that some things are not as life threatening as they thought it was before. It might also be that the parents are physically tired after taking care of the first baby. The second baby may be less of a novel and so doesn't get as much attention as the first. Is this a syndrome of unfairness? It depends on who you are of course.

I try to give equal attention to my 3 sons. And I really make an effort to try. But sometimes I find that I pay less attention to Xavier because he is the oldest and is now able to take care of himself in some areas so I don't watch over him as closely as I used to when he was younger. But I notice that he gets upset and tries to get my attention with some antics and tantrums. I realize that I must also give him my share of attention. He might not understand that I sometimes have to work late and cannot read to him before he sleeps or cannot go to sleep with him. A child would not have the reasoning of an adult. But he shows an exceptional understanding for a 5 year old. But that has its downside. How good can it be when my child knows that his mommy doesn't spend time with him because she has to work? It all boils down to work life balance. I'm not perfect so I cannot proclaim to do a good job. I can only say I try my best and ask God to take of the rest.

Relationships

Why am I blogging again today when my last post was what is considered very recent by my standards? I had a sudden surge of emotions following recently humbling events.

Today I want to write about relationships. There are many types of relationships between couples which we can observe, ranging from ideal to hellish. What is ideal and what is hellish? This varies person from person simply because we are human and we are different. Our state of emotion, opinions, attitudes and outlook all change over time. How we look at something today may not be the same perspective we adopt tomorrow. How we feel about an incident may vary depending on our state of emotion at that point.

What is my ideal relationship? I crave an open and honest relationship. I want to be able to share my feelings with my partner without having to consider his feelings, without worrying whether I hurt his pride or not. I am not talking about taking out my frustrations on him or saying hurtful things. I want to be able to say what I mean and mean what I say. I don't want to lie, I don't want to tell him things that he wants to hear just so that I will not hurt his feelings or pride. I want him to be able to know that I need him to understand how I feel. I want him to know that I tell him things which may hurt him or make him look bad because I want him to be a better person. I want him to know his weaknesses so that he can be a better man. I don't want him to become the man I want him to be. I want him to be the best kind of man that he can be. And I expect the same in return. It is with love that we tell our partners their weaknesses so that they can grow. If we don't care about them, the effort to do that wouldn't be worth it. If we don't care love them, we won't see the kind of person we know they can be and much more.

Familiarity breeds contempt. That is a true statement indeed. The person you married years back seem to have changed. Did she really change or did she just become more comfortable with you that she can do anything she feels like in front of you? Maybe she feels that she doesn't need to put up a front when she is alone with you. She might feel that you would accept her for who she is, no matter what she says or does. Is that taking things for granted? Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on whether you are on the receiving end or not.

Is there a balance between "Absence makes the heart fonder" and "Familiarity breeds contempt"? Or is it a choice that we have to make - a choice of how we want to look at things?

The Dalai Lama wrote but maybe not in these exact words:
If a problem has a solution, it is not a problem. So don't worry. If a problem has no solution, there is nothing you can do about it. So don't worry.

Verbal diarrhea

Some time last month I read an article about celebrity bloggers. There was feedback on how some readers like the simple style of some bloggers who make their blog an easy read. There was complains about another blogger putting her journalistic skills so much into use that reading her blog is somewhat a chore.

I think I'm like that. I try to type in complete proper sentences and avoid Singlish vaguely like the plague. After all I'm blogging to practice my writing skills and leave something for my kids to read when I die. So I don't care if you think reading my blog is like reading a novel or a collection of short stories. If you don't like it, go away.

I'm not into Twitter and I'm not into Facebook or any of the other social networks available on the vast Internet. I'm not that sociable. I don't want to put photos of my children on my blog or on my seldom used Facebook. I have a phobia of paedophiles lurking in the wilderness of the Internet. A friend of mine, Matt, fears that he may have offended someone who might use his kids to threaten him. I'm bad, but I'm not that bad. Sorry Matt, had to take that blow below the belt.

This week I learnt a hard lesson. I remember when I was 12, my dad told me that when I grew up, I must make sure I take care of my brother. Growing up, I always remembered that. Little did I know that it was my brother who will one day take care of me and bail me out of a nasty situation. I went through something very humbling and through that, I learnt that blood is truly thicker than water. I will strive to teach my sons such that they will support each other when they grow up.

I also learnt that a true friend will always stay a true friend. I'm one of those extremely lazy people who never make any effort to stay in touch with friends. I'm always the last to reply to an email asking for confirmation to a gathering. I don't call, I don't sms, I don't email. There are only a small handful of people who accept me as I am. These are my friends who always care about me, even though I disappear from their lives for weeks, months or even years. When we meet up, it's like there's no distance between the days. I had the fortune of meeting up with a few good friends recently and I realize that our friendship is really genuine. I can still feel their care and concern. Thanks to the Beanie, Robin Hood, the Biker and the Pilot. You guys are best!

I was considering starting an anonymous blog to write my life story. One day I will write my life story. I don't want to be nameless except for the fact that I might embarrass my family members. I'll write my life story so that my kids can read and learn from my mistakes. I'll get to it when I do......

Quote for the day:
To make a mistake is part of life, to learn from it is a blessing, to ignore it is a waste.

Passing of a legend........

On June 25, 2009 a legend passed on.....Michael Jackson left the world.

He wasn't my favourite artiste but he was undoubtedly one of the best entertainers that have passed through the world. His death triggered a lot of events, emotions, outpouring of grief, and a lot more.

Even my husband and I went nostalgic recalling the times of Thriller, Beat It, etc. His music videos were indeed revolutionary for their times. I will not say that MJ was an inspiration to me as I was never really into him, other than the fact that his songs were enjoyable and I loved watching his music videos. He is the most talented dancer I've ever come across. But his death and the events and revelations that came after made him an inspiration.

Being a celebrity is no easy feat. You not only have to entertain your fans, you have to also be aware that you will be a victim of the media. It is sad that during his trials and tribulations, facts are easily exaggerated, doubts planted in the minds of people, painting the picture of a psychotic man with issues. After his death, people started sharing their thoughts, how he inspired them, etc.

The incident has just one very clear message for me.

Never take things for granted, you'll never know when will be your last day on earth until you are gone. You will not know when your loved ones will be taken away from you until they are gone. By then, it is too late to say "I love you", "I'm sorry" and "I thank you for your love". Live today like it were your last on earth, cliched but it's true.

Always wear nice undies, you'll never know when you'll faint or drop dead on the street and have to be undressed by the doctor for an examinaion or post mortem.

Xavier's antics.....

Evidence of Xavier watching too much of Pixar's Cars.....
In the middle of watching Formula One race tonight,
Xavier: Mummy, this race has no pit stop.
Mummy: Why?
Xavier: Because there is no forklift.
For those not indoctrinated to the way of Cars, all the pit stop crew members in the Piston Cup race are forklifts.

Evidence of Xavier being a faster learner.....
Keane was kicking a fuss about a toy.
Keane: non stop wailing.....
Xavier: Stop...stop crying then I'll give you this.
Keane: non stop wailing.....
Xavier: I said stop....stop and I'll give you this.
Keane: silence....
Xavier: Ok here you go.
For the non-parents, this tactic is commonly practised by the adults in our household to stop tantrums.

Evidence of Xavier having potential to be a politician.....
Keane: (pointing in the direction of the back of the car from front seat) Giraffe, giraffe!
Xavier: (thinks Keane's pointing at him) I'm NOT a giraffe!
Keane: Giraffe, giraffe!
Mummy: He's not pointing at you Xavier, he's pointing at the "Friends of the zoo" car decal with the giraffe on it.
Xavier: Oh, I thought he was pointing at a real giraffe behind us.....(totally ignoring the earlier statement he made)

Evidence of Xavier being analytical.....
Xavier: Mummy, why is daddy not home yet?
Mummy: Daddy has to work so he'll be back later.
Xavier: But Daddy said he will be out for a while only. A while means he will come back fast but he has been gone a long time.

To laugh or to cry.......I haven't decided. But for now, why worry?

It rained at the zoo......

We had an outing to the zoo on Saturday. We didn't bring Ryan because he just turned one and we always waited till the kids were 2 before we brought them to the zoo. It's some superstitious thing which I don't wish to address.

We left our home at about 8.30am and reached the zoo in good time. It's a 15 minutes drive for us. See how far away from everything else we are? I mean, it's strange to claim that you stay near the zoo but we do. I always tell people that I stay in ulu Sembawang.

We decided to become Friends of the Zoo since Keane is now a paying child (children below 3 get free entry). Annual membership of S$180 gives us unlimited access for 2 adults and 3 kids plus free parking plus 10% discounts at F&B outlets. Not a bad deal. We can break even with 4 visits which we can easily do in a year.

The first thing we did after breakfast was to hit the Kidzworld where there is a water playground for the kids. The two of them definitely had a whale of a time there. There weren't that many kids as it was pretty early. After about 45 mins Xavier cut his heel and had to be brought to the first aid station to wash his wound and put on a plaster. Being the whiner, he was grumbling most of the time. But was pretty brave at the end considering a small piece of his skin was ripped off. Had an excuse to get crocodile slippers as the sandals were too abrasive.

Next stop was the Australian outback. We took part in the feeding session of the wallabies. All of us had fun feeding the wallabies. Still don't quite know the difference between a wallaby and a kangaroo except that wallabies are a smaller cousin of the kangaroo. I wouldn't have known the difference except that I overheard a visitor ask the zookeeper why the kangaroos were so small here. She has obviously seen a real kangaroo. After the feeding, it was a rush to the Elephants of Asia show.

It was still interesting though we were later than most people and ended up with the worse seats in the house. But that didn't stop Xavier and Keane from getting all excited about the elephants and their stunts. It started to drizzle so we tried to move on before the end of the elephant show. After some delay at the amphitheatre where we saw the last part of some dance and song by an Australian group and had some pop corn, we tried to find lunch.

That itself was a challenge but I won't go into the details.

We went home after the lunch. It was a short trip but still entertaining. During the tram ride Keane managed to identify a lot of the animals which we saw. That in itself was rewarding for us as he has shown much improvement since he went to childcare last year. Xavier planned our itinerary but we didn't have enough time to see the komodo dragon, bats and other animals he wanted. But since we're now friends of the zoo, we can go back often without burning a hole in our pocket.

Even though it was a short day, the kids were tired and slept very early that night.

We will definitely make an another trip soon.

Quote Xavier: When we go to the zoo on Saturday and we ate popcorn and we watched the elephant show and we saw animals. My favourite part was feeding the kangaroos.

I'm back......

A full week at work has passed.....I'm now beginning my second week.

Things have been moving fast and I've been trying to keep a balance between work and family. I must admit the family is benefiting from my efforts.

Keane has shown much development in his speech. He is quite good at catching tunes and can sing a few songs very well. His pronunciation needs work but his pitch is very good. Am I beginning to sound like an American Idol judge? I believe he really needed our attention. My recent full time spell at home gave him much of my time and I feel closer to him. He has also shown more restraint in his behaviour, except when he is playing which is typical of most children. He has picked up our singlish phrases like "aiyo" and has the sweetest way of expressing his distress with "Oh NO!"

Xavier has become more matured for his age and is demonstrating his abilities to be an elder brother. Some of the things he said recently made me laugh:

I injured my finger while closing the gate of our main door. Don't ask me why or how I did it since I have no answer. Guess my brain was in sleep mode.
Mom: Oh no, I injured my finger when I was closing the door.
Xavier: It's ok, just put a plaster and go to sleep. When you wake up, it will be ok already!
I wonder if this is a demonstration of the way we show our love while trying to teach him to be strong.

Keane was fiddling with a book recently. Xavier went to him and took the book.
Xavier: Come Keane, read this....Hop...Hop on Pop!
Keane: silence......
Xavier: Come on Keane, just try your best. Hop....say Hop.
Keane: silence......
Xavier: Keane, it's very easy....Hop....say Hop....Hop on Pop!
Keane: Don't want!!! (and off he ran)
I hope this shows that he has learnt a lesson from us. We always try to teach him that to try his best is an achievement itself.

Ryan has started walking on his own albeit unsteadily. He is also showing his own character. He has a habit of snatching toys from his brothers. Whenever he doesn't get them, he will go to his dad to complain and cries till he gets what he wants. All his tantrums are forgotten with his endearing smile which brightens up your day. He has a long way to go......

Recently my focus on work is self discipline. I'm trying to exercise discipline in how I plan my schedule and how I balance my time between work and family. I'm also trying to put in some time for exercise. I tried going for a jog again on Sunday, after a one week break. I'm far from what I call fit. But I'm giving myself a bit of time to get to it.

We're planning a trip to the zoo this Saturday and I hope we do make it......

This week's motivational quote:
Discipline is the bridge between Goals and Accomplishments.