I am obviously a poor blogger with absolutely no consistency whatsoever.
I won't make any excuse for myself as it is not critical.
I have been extremely busy with work since last month. Any spare time I had was spent with my family and kids as well as catching up with my reading.
I'm currently reading Lee Kuan Yew's memoirs. I'm only beginning with book 1 which I abandoned halfway during my first attempt. I hope I can finish book 1 before the end of this year. No more ambitious targets for me.
The situation in Thailand makes me feel extremely thankful that I am a Singaporean citizen living in Singapore. Kudos to our government for making Singapore what it is today. And no, this feeling is not because I am reading the LKY memoirs. I've always felt grateful that I live in Singapore and proud that I am Singaporean. Security is something dear to my heart, even more so when I have a precious family.
I am contented to have what I have. I am not a billionaire, I'm not even what one can call financially free. I try to provide for my family as best as I can and I stretch myself a little bit financially. I don't go for holidays overseas, I don't carry branded handbags, and I don't wear branded clothes. My indulgence would be books and food. Food indulgence means meals in family restaurants, chocolates and ice-cream. Do I live for my family only? More or less. What is ME? Who am I? What happened to my own existence?
I find myself in books. I find myself at work. I find myself in my children. I find myself when I'm driving. I spend time with myself contemplating. Do I ignore my children sometimes? Yes I do. I try to find time for myself whenever I can. I think it is important to keep a balance. Am I good at keeping a balance? I don't know. I will only know when I die and people give their eulogy of myself, if they even bother with it. I hope that someone will. Otherwise I would have lived for nothing.
Sometimes I wonder what I would like my family to do after I die. What kind of wake should they arrange? What kind of funeral? I am a Roman Catholic. My husband's a Buddhist/Taoist (I'm confused). Will he know what to do when I die? I have no clue but I hope for the best. Does it matter what kind of funeral I'm given? I doubt. Seriously, I'm dead. What difference does it make? It might be easier for the people I left behind to pay their respects to me. I don't know if I will be there to witness it or not. If I didn't leave when I am at peace with myself, I would probably hang around grumbling about what people are doing about my death. If I'm at peace with myself, I'd probably go to purgatory to pray and repent for my sins. If I've lived my life fully, I might convince God to let me go to Heaven. I don't know. Do I have no faith? Not really. I just have a different look about religion. God exists in different forms to different people. My God is Lord of Heaven. My husband doesn't believe in God, he believes we will continue the cycle of live and be reincarnated until we break free or achieve nirvana. How can I reconcile our differences? I don't reconcile the differences, I draw the similarities. Both our religions teach us to be good, respectful, loving, kind, patient, etc, etc. I want us to live our lives to the fullest and end up where we both want to be after our deaths. I want to go to Heaven. He wants to achieve Nirvana and....end up in Heaven? I don't know. Nirvana's similar to Heaven isn't it? Maybe I'm wrong and will draw a lot of flak from anyone who's even bothered to read my blog. Look at the big picture. I mean purgatory's where we have to repent till our sins are forgiven. It's like going though life cycle after life cycle until we can achieve nirvana or freedom from karma. That's similar to being free from sins.
What will I do about my children? What about their religion? I am leaving it up to them. But I will show them my religion through my actions. Through loving kindness. Through patience. Through charity. Will they choose to become Roman Catholics? I pray so. If they don't, I won't force them. I won't hold it against them. As long as they follow an orthodox religion, I will support them. Just like my parents supported me. My parents are Taoists. They attended my baptism ceremony. They gave me my freedom just like I will give my children theirs.
Why am I so reflective? It's kind of late. But better than never.
Till then......be yourself.