This is the 4th week that I've stayed home to look after Ryan. This month has been arduous. Xavier caught a virus and had high fever a couple of weeks ago. Last week Keane was suspected to have chicken pox but was actually down with a virus similar to Xavier's with high fever. Ryan's wound never seemed to heal. My patience has been tested frequently this month. Fortunately I have an understanding boss and he allowed me to take leave to stay home. He never pushed me to go back to office either stating that taking care of the kids was important. But I long to return to office. Not only do I have projects pending for my return, I also find that I am beginning to slack a little at home.
Today I gave my blog address to my long time friend and asked for his comment. He said it was a refreshing read and reminded me that it wasn't important who or how many people read my blog. Most importantly I have an outlet for my piteous creativity and hopefully share my experiences with interested readers. Thanks to Gabriel for your motivation!
I had a lot of thoughts over the last month and cannot wait to share them. I'll do it in chronological order continuing with the hospital experience. I am amazed at how inconsiderate people can be, being noisy without considering patients sleeping in the same room. At the same time, I am amazed at how much love people like nurses and doctors can show strangers in need of care and comfort. The world is beautiful and amazing. I don't understand how it works and I probably never will. But whilst I am in it, I will do what I can to keep the good going.
I learned that we all take things for granted and we need to wake up. The good days can only last so long and it is imperative to make the best use of the days given to us. I may not be around for my children as long as I wish I could but during the time that I can, I have to do my best for their good, not mine.
Something that caught my attention this month was the AWARE saga. I'm sure most Singaporeans are aware of what happened at AWARE so I won't go into too much details. If you want to know, google "AWARE saga" and you'll get as much as you need. My thoughts on the AWARE saga is probably similar to some people but my cynical outlook and too much CSI gives me too paranoid a view on it. I think it's all a scam and a whole load of overhype. If the old guard claims to be inclusive, why can they not accept the new team and allow them a chance to take office for a year and if the new team does a poor job, then re-elect themselves. Was the new team familiar enough with where the organization was heading before deciding that AWARE was diverting from its original objectives? After all the happenings, AWARE had a surge in membership. So was the whole event a publicity stunt? I wouldn't put it past the organization - this is my CSI mind speaking about conspiracy theories.
A heartening thing to observe is that Singaporeans are more vocal nowadays and more open. Is being open going against our traditional values? It is personal and subjective. Some of the comments made by the various parties involved and observers seemed to be self-contradictory to me. The whole focus seemed to be on sexuality education issue and how a team of women seemed to have manoveured themselves into the exco within the constitution. Sour grapes and sore losers to the old guard - the new team rightly said that if they were really keen and interested in what was happening at AWARE, the coup wouldn't have happened. It was a rightful wake up call for the old guard in my opinion. They took too many things for granted. It seemed like a "don't fix it if it is not spoiled" situation resulting in dwindling memberships and less public awareness of the organization and its objectives. Of couse, on the other side of the coin, the new team could have started their own organization if they were really interested in contributing to society and didn't agree with what AWARE was doing. Furthermore, the team of well educated and matured ladies should have considered the consequence of bringing in a religious take into the situation whether intentionally or not. People are definitely going to cry foul, especially in a mutli-racial, multi-religious country like ours.
At the end of the day both camps emerged from the scene in a cordial manner. The winners because they think they have made a point and won. The losers to hang on to any shred of dignity they had left. I salute the team of ladies who braved the situation, taking in criticisms in all forms and manner and left holding their heads held high. But I also think that they could have carried out their intentions in a better manner but it's always easier to speak with hindsight. I say we should live and let live and learn how to agree to disagree. I'm sure that the lesson learnt will bring about changes to AWARE's constitution to protect the core group's interest in AWARE. I'd like to thank everyone involved in the saga and the journalists who gave fantastic coverage for giving me a great learning opportunity.
Interesting lyrics from the theme song for TV8 series currently airing at 9pm on weekdays:
每个人都不普通...每个人都不同 translates to everyone is not ordinary, everyone is different.
Listen to the voice of a mother of three who would like to share her thoughts and experiences of being a mother of 3 boisterous boys in the small city of Singapore.... Disclaimer: read at your own risk and learn from my mistakes.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
HORRORS!!!
The past 2 days were quite distressing and one of the most harrowing experience I ever went through as a mother. I want to share my experience and my thoughts on what I witnessed over the past 2 days.
My baby Ryan was sick for a couple of days. He had a fever that wouldn't go away and persisted between 38 to 39 deg celsius. I brought him to the GP on Friday and got some medicine to cure the sypmtoms. On Saturday afternoon, my helper noticed a bump near his anal region which looked like a boil. We got a bit worried but thought it was due to heatiness. (Heatiness being a condition which Chinese believe happens when one has consumed too much food said to be heaty in nature, causing the body to react defensively). Nevertheless, we brought him back to the GP who inspected the boil and immediately diagnosed it as an abscess. I had no clue what an abscess was and thought it was just a normal boil resulting from some viral infection.
The GP wrote a letter of referral for KK Hospital and we sent Ryan there. After some waiting, it was explained to us that he had an abscess which was a result of infection and there was a canal of infection leading from his anus to the "boil". And the "boil" had to be cut to drain out the pus. Technically, Ryan needed what was known medically as "Incision and drainage of periannal abscess, keep in view fulislotomy". Fulislotomy referred to removal of the canal between the anus and the abscess. At first the doctor who examined him in the emergency department said that they probably could operate on him at 1am, the earliest possible after a fast of 6 hours.
Ryan had to be moved around on Saturday night from the pre-screening to the waiting room and then to admissions and to the ward. At the ward, he was very tired and sleepy but he could only sleep in fits as he was woken by the surgeons visiting him for check up. It was then decided that it wasn't fair for him to go for an op after 12 midnight so he was scheduled for 7am the next morning. He also needed an x-ray because he had a bad case of cough with phlegm and slight runny nose. Since he needed to fast for 6 hours before the op, he needed to take one last feed before 1am otherwise his body might not be able to take the long bout without sustenance.
Much to my dismay Ryan refused to drink milk at 12am even though it was 4 hours since his last drink. I tried very hard to hoax him but no means no and he is one strong baby who was bent on going to sleep as he was very exhausted. So I resorted to using the syringe to force feed him. I managed only 2oz of milk and he just slept in protest. After consulting the nurses, it was decided that he needed a drink of glucose by 3am to have the sustenance. Any later and he may face complications if he vomits during surgery. I tried to feed him at 3am and faced the same resistance. For an exhausted baby, he had a lot of fight in him. Out came the syringe and this time it was another 2oz of glucose water before he slept in protest again.
My baby Ryan was sick for a couple of days. He had a fever that wouldn't go away and persisted between 38 to 39 deg celsius. I brought him to the GP on Friday and got some medicine to cure the sypmtoms. On Saturday afternoon, my helper noticed a bump near his anal region which looked like a boil. We got a bit worried but thought it was due to heatiness. (Heatiness being a condition which Chinese believe happens when one has consumed too much food said to be heaty in nature, causing the body to react defensively). Nevertheless, we brought him back to the GP who inspected the boil and immediately diagnosed it as an abscess. I had no clue what an abscess was and thought it was just a normal boil resulting from some viral infection.
The GP wrote a letter of referral for KK Hospital and we sent Ryan there. After some waiting, it was explained to us that he had an abscess which was a result of infection and there was a canal of infection leading from his anus to the "boil". And the "boil" had to be cut to drain out the pus. Technically, Ryan needed what was known medically as "Incision and drainage of periannal abscess, keep in view fulislotomy". Fulislotomy referred to removal of the canal between the anus and the abscess. At first the doctor who examined him in the emergency department said that they probably could operate on him at 1am, the earliest possible after a fast of 6 hours.
Ryan had to be moved around on Saturday night from the pre-screening to the waiting room and then to admissions and to the ward. At the ward, he was very tired and sleepy but he could only sleep in fits as he was woken by the surgeons visiting him for check up. It was then decided that it wasn't fair for him to go for an op after 12 midnight so he was scheduled for 7am the next morning. He also needed an x-ray because he had a bad case of cough with phlegm and slight runny nose. Since he needed to fast for 6 hours before the op, he needed to take one last feed before 1am otherwise his body might not be able to take the long bout without sustenance.
Much to my dismay Ryan refused to drink milk at 12am even though it was 4 hours since his last drink. I tried very hard to hoax him but no means no and he is one strong baby who was bent on going to sleep as he was very exhausted. So I resorted to using the syringe to force feed him. I managed only 2oz of milk and he just slept in protest. After consulting the nurses, it was decided that he needed a drink of glucose by 3am to have the sustenance. Any later and he may face complications if he vomits during surgery. I tried to feed him at 3am and faced the same resistance. For an exhausted baby, he had a lot of fight in him. Out came the syringe and this time it was another 2oz of glucose water before he slept in protest again.
I was helpless and all I could do was pray that my baby's body was strong enough to carry him through the long hours ahead.
At about 7am we headed down to the operation theatre. I carried him to the changing room. I put on a smock and changed my slippers while he was checked by the anaesthetist. Ryan had to undergo general anaesthesia because it is difficult to handle fussy babies unlike adults who can control themselves and can do with just local anaesthesia for such an operation. Due to his phlegm they told me he would be put on a high dependency bed after the operation for observation in case complications arose. If his airwaves are sensitive to the anaesthesia, then he might have asthma or pneumonia. That scared the hell out of me.
I carried him into the operation theatre and we sat down. The nurse distracted him with bubbles while the anaesthetists started to find a vein to insert the tube for the anaesthetic to be fed. His hands were too chubby and they failed. So they decided to have him breathe in the anaesthetic. A few breathes and Ryan was knocked out. I was then ushered out of the room. What seemed like the longest wait I had to go through began. The operation was supposed to take only 10 mins as it was a simple procedure. However I waited for 30 minutes. Each time the door to the operation theatre opened, my heart skipped a bit. No smiles from the staff walking in and out. That looked ominous to me. I prayed and asked for God to protect my son.
After what seemed like eternity, the door opened and I heard my baby's cry. Ryan was already awake and looking for me! I ran to him and carried him up. The crying stopped immediately. They told me that he was fine and I could bring him up to the ward. I brought him up to the ward and he looked very dazed. He fell asleep soon. Throughout the morning he drifted in and out of sleep for his medicine and milk. His temperature had gone back to normal once the abscess was removed. That was a relief. By the afternoon he was more active. Although he refused porridge he took milk.
After his first poop, the nurses showed me how to clean his wound and my knees went weak. They removed his dressing and pulled out a woolly thread which was inserted through the fistula. That hurt like hell and Ryan wailed as loudly as his lungs allowed. The worst is yet to come. The nurse parted his wound and stuck a syringe into the opening and injected saline inside for cleansing. That brought on another string of wails from Ryan. I was informed that I had to do this for him each time he pooped until the wound closes by itself. I was a little dazed after that. Apparently they need to make sure that I could clean the wound independently before they discharge him.That night, he had major pains in his gums because he was teething. I carried him for at least 2 hours, trying to make him go to sleep while he wailed non-stop. After almost 3 hours, he started to fall asleep out of exhaustion but was still grumbling about the pain. I asked the staff nurse for help. She gave him some gel to apply on his gums and my baby slept like an angel. I was exhausted. It is no easy feat to carry a 10kg baby and rock him for 2 hours. I could almost feel my biceps and triceps developing! It was such a relief to lie down on the makeshift bed. I couldn't move. Fortunately the staff nurse was very kind and when Ryan started grumbling again at 2am she carried him out and applied the gel on his gums again. Then he fell asleep quite fast. I was too tired to move. Thank God for the angel he sent.
The next morning Ryan was back to his active and cheeky self. Then he pooped. Here goes nothing, I told myself. So I was pretty gungho about it. Told the nurse that I needed someone to help me wash his wound. I just did it and ignored his piteous wails during the process. It's for his own good, it's for his own good, I repeated to myself. Ok, I was exaggerating. Someone's got to do it so I better take up the job. I don't think my hubby will have the time to do it. My maid will probably tremble - she can't stand the sight of blood so I think she might not take to this easily. Ryan seemed to think that I needed the practice and pooped twice more before discharge time!
Fortunately the doctors did their rounds and certified him ready to be discharged. We happily brought him home along with 2 courses of antibiotics, a bottle of paracetamol and 24 tubes of saline.
Xavier, the eldest, saw me washing the wound and said "Let me help you hold him". He said that it must be very painful. Keane simply went "OH NO!" and scuttled away before anyone could try something similar on him.
Children are indeed extremely resilient creatures. Ryan would stop wailing immediately after the cleansing and cling on to me for dear life, sobbing a little. After 5 minutes, he would be back to his usual self.
Thank God everything went smoothly and my baby was safe.
Quote for the week:
Bravery comes in many forms......survival is one of them.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
I am obviously a poor blogger with absolutely no consistency whatsoever.
I won't make any excuse for myself as it is not critical.
I have been extremely busy with work since last month. Any spare time I had was spent with my family and kids as well as catching up with my reading.
I'm currently reading Lee Kuan Yew's memoirs. I'm only beginning with book 1 which I abandoned halfway during my first attempt. I hope I can finish book 1 before the end of this year. No more ambitious targets for me.
The situation in Thailand makes me feel extremely thankful that I am a Singaporean citizen living in Singapore. Kudos to our government for making Singapore what it is today. And no, this feeling is not because I am reading the LKY memoirs. I've always felt grateful that I live in Singapore and proud that I am Singaporean. Security is something dear to my heart, even more so when I have a precious family.
I am contented to have what I have. I am not a billionaire, I'm not even what one can call financially free. I try to provide for my family as best as I can and I stretch myself a little bit financially. I don't go for holidays overseas, I don't carry branded handbags, and I don't wear branded clothes. My indulgence would be books and food. Food indulgence means meals in family restaurants, chocolates and ice-cream. Do I live for my family only? More or less. What is ME? Who am I? What happened to my own existence?
I find myself in books. I find myself at work. I find myself in my children. I find myself when I'm driving. I spend time with myself contemplating. Do I ignore my children sometimes? Yes I do. I try to find time for myself whenever I can. I think it is important to keep a balance. Am I good at keeping a balance? I don't know. I will only know when I die and people give their eulogy of myself, if they even bother with it. I hope that someone will. Otherwise I would have lived for nothing.
Sometimes I wonder what I would like my family to do after I die. What kind of wake should they arrange? What kind of funeral? I am a Roman Catholic. My husband's a Buddhist/Taoist (I'm confused). Will he know what to do when I die? I have no clue but I hope for the best. Does it matter what kind of funeral I'm given? I doubt. Seriously, I'm dead. What difference does it make? It might be easier for the people I left behind to pay their respects to me. I don't know if I will be there to witness it or not. If I didn't leave when I am at peace with myself, I would probably hang around grumbling about what people are doing about my death. If I'm at peace with myself, I'd probably go to purgatory to pray and repent for my sins. If I've lived my life fully, I might convince God to let me go to Heaven. I don't know. Do I have no faith? Not really. I just have a different look about religion. God exists in different forms to different people. My God is Lord of Heaven. My husband doesn't believe in God, he believes we will continue the cycle of live and be reincarnated until we break free or achieve nirvana. How can I reconcile our differences? I don't reconcile the differences, I draw the similarities. Both our religions teach us to be good, respectful, loving, kind, patient, etc, etc. I want us to live our lives to the fullest and end up where we both want to be after our deaths. I want to go to Heaven. He wants to achieve Nirvana and....end up in Heaven? I don't know. Nirvana's similar to Heaven isn't it? Maybe I'm wrong and will draw a lot of flak from anyone who's even bothered to read my blog. Look at the big picture. I mean purgatory's where we have to repent till our sins are forgiven. It's like going though life cycle after life cycle until we can achieve nirvana or freedom from karma. That's similar to being free from sins.
What will I do about my children? What about their religion? I am leaving it up to them. But I will show them my religion through my actions. Through loving kindness. Through patience. Through charity. Will they choose to become Roman Catholics? I pray so. If they don't, I won't force them. I won't hold it against them. As long as they follow an orthodox religion, I will support them. Just like my parents supported me. My parents are Taoists. They attended my baptism ceremony. They gave me my freedom just like I will give my children theirs.
Why am I so reflective? It's kind of late. But better than never.
Till then......be yourself.
I won't make any excuse for myself as it is not critical.
I have been extremely busy with work since last month. Any spare time I had was spent with my family and kids as well as catching up with my reading.
I'm currently reading Lee Kuan Yew's memoirs. I'm only beginning with book 1 which I abandoned halfway during my first attempt. I hope I can finish book 1 before the end of this year. No more ambitious targets for me.
The situation in Thailand makes me feel extremely thankful that I am a Singaporean citizen living in Singapore. Kudos to our government for making Singapore what it is today. And no, this feeling is not because I am reading the LKY memoirs. I've always felt grateful that I live in Singapore and proud that I am Singaporean. Security is something dear to my heart, even more so when I have a precious family.
I am contented to have what I have. I am not a billionaire, I'm not even what one can call financially free. I try to provide for my family as best as I can and I stretch myself a little bit financially. I don't go for holidays overseas, I don't carry branded handbags, and I don't wear branded clothes. My indulgence would be books and food. Food indulgence means meals in family restaurants, chocolates and ice-cream. Do I live for my family only? More or less. What is ME? Who am I? What happened to my own existence?
I find myself in books. I find myself at work. I find myself in my children. I find myself when I'm driving. I spend time with myself contemplating. Do I ignore my children sometimes? Yes I do. I try to find time for myself whenever I can. I think it is important to keep a balance. Am I good at keeping a balance? I don't know. I will only know when I die and people give their eulogy of myself, if they even bother with it. I hope that someone will. Otherwise I would have lived for nothing.
Sometimes I wonder what I would like my family to do after I die. What kind of wake should they arrange? What kind of funeral? I am a Roman Catholic. My husband's a Buddhist/Taoist (I'm confused). Will he know what to do when I die? I have no clue but I hope for the best. Does it matter what kind of funeral I'm given? I doubt. Seriously, I'm dead. What difference does it make? It might be easier for the people I left behind to pay their respects to me. I don't know if I will be there to witness it or not. If I didn't leave when I am at peace with myself, I would probably hang around grumbling about what people are doing about my death. If I'm at peace with myself, I'd probably go to purgatory to pray and repent for my sins. If I've lived my life fully, I might convince God to let me go to Heaven. I don't know. Do I have no faith? Not really. I just have a different look about religion. God exists in different forms to different people. My God is Lord of Heaven. My husband doesn't believe in God, he believes we will continue the cycle of live and be reincarnated until we break free or achieve nirvana. How can I reconcile our differences? I don't reconcile the differences, I draw the similarities. Both our religions teach us to be good, respectful, loving, kind, patient, etc, etc. I want us to live our lives to the fullest and end up where we both want to be after our deaths. I want to go to Heaven. He wants to achieve Nirvana and....end up in Heaven? I don't know. Nirvana's similar to Heaven isn't it? Maybe I'm wrong and will draw a lot of flak from anyone who's even bothered to read my blog. Look at the big picture. I mean purgatory's where we have to repent till our sins are forgiven. It's like going though life cycle after life cycle until we can achieve nirvana or freedom from karma. That's similar to being free from sins.
What will I do about my children? What about their religion? I am leaving it up to them. But I will show them my religion through my actions. Through loving kindness. Through patience. Through charity. Will they choose to become Roman Catholics? I pray so. If they don't, I won't force them. I won't hold it against them. As long as they follow an orthodox religion, I will support them. Just like my parents supported me. My parents are Taoists. They attended my baptism ceremony. They gave me my freedom just like I will give my children theirs.
Why am I so reflective? It's kind of late. But better than never.
Till then......be yourself.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Spare the rod and spoil the child?
How can I balance discipline with love? How can I be firm with my child without going over the limit?
When I was a kid, it was common for parents to cane their kids and some even do nasty things like make their children kneel on painful objects whilst pulling their own ears. My mom used to pinch us to make us remember the pain we suffer for misbehaving. She didn't have to do it very often. Just a couple of times and we had it drilled in us. Misbehaving leads to pinching, pinching leads to pain, pain leads to fear of more pain.
To quote Yoda: fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.
Was I fearful of my mom and was I angry with her and hated her as a result of that fear? Did I suffer in the long run? I think at that moment, I was angry with my mom. I was angry that she pinched me. I was angry that I had to behave myself by her standards and couldn't have fun in the supermarket. When I grew up, that anger turned into understanding and that understanding became love. Love knowing that she made a lot of sacrifices bringing us up on a budget. Understanding that physical pain was the only way she knew how to discipline her children because that was the only way she grew up with and knew by experience.
Would I do the same to my children? Only on a limited basis. When Xavier was a toddler, he was mischievous and could throw monstrous tantrums. When he came to the age where he could communicate and understand our verbal instructions, about 1.5 yrs old, the cane came into play on a couple of occasions. And I mean a couple, not more. He was caned once for repeatedly playing with the electrical socket despite several continuous warnings from us. He was also caned once for throwing a tantrum even though he was in the wrong and we kept asking him to stop crying. It broke my heart that he howled with pain after the cane landed on his calf. After he calmed down, we explained why he was caned. From then on, he remembered that he couldn't touch the socket and he tries very hard to remember not to throw tantrums. When he forgets, we bring out the cane. Then he remembers, without us having to cane him. Most times, caning the sofa will bring back his memories of pain suffered when he was young.
With Keane, I find that it's a very different story, simply because Keane has a high threshold for pain. He has been caned a few times but he doesn't seem to feel the pain. That doesn't stop him from howling when we cane him. But his cries can stop on and start on demand. He will stop immediately when he notices something interesting on TV and then starts again when commercials come on. We suspect he's manipulative and cry to get sympathy. I tried sparing the rod with him and I think it works better although my hubby would beg to differ. I praise Keane for doing good things. I can see that he is more willing to listen when he is praised. Of course, he manipulates me more since I'm the softie. He makes me give him goodies. He makes me take out toys from out of reach places for him more often than the other adults in the family. Would he learn the hard way or the easy way? I have no answer till today because he is still misbehaving sometimes. He has shown tremendous improvement in discipline and that in itself is good enough for me.
How should I handle Ryan? I have no idea and I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Am I a bad parent? I don't know and I won't judge myself.
Quote for the week:
A person is like a book, he shouldn't be judged by its cover and you should read it cover to cover before making any review.
When I was a kid, it was common for parents to cane their kids and some even do nasty things like make their children kneel on painful objects whilst pulling their own ears. My mom used to pinch us to make us remember the pain we suffer for misbehaving. She didn't have to do it very often. Just a couple of times and we had it drilled in us. Misbehaving leads to pinching, pinching leads to pain, pain leads to fear of more pain.
To quote Yoda: fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.
Was I fearful of my mom and was I angry with her and hated her as a result of that fear? Did I suffer in the long run? I think at that moment, I was angry with my mom. I was angry that she pinched me. I was angry that I had to behave myself by her standards and couldn't have fun in the supermarket. When I grew up, that anger turned into understanding and that understanding became love. Love knowing that she made a lot of sacrifices bringing us up on a budget. Understanding that physical pain was the only way she knew how to discipline her children because that was the only way she grew up with and knew by experience.
Would I do the same to my children? Only on a limited basis. When Xavier was a toddler, he was mischievous and could throw monstrous tantrums. When he came to the age where he could communicate and understand our verbal instructions, about 1.5 yrs old, the cane came into play on a couple of occasions. And I mean a couple, not more. He was caned once for repeatedly playing with the electrical socket despite several continuous warnings from us. He was also caned once for throwing a tantrum even though he was in the wrong and we kept asking him to stop crying. It broke my heart that he howled with pain after the cane landed on his calf. After he calmed down, we explained why he was caned. From then on, he remembered that he couldn't touch the socket and he tries very hard to remember not to throw tantrums. When he forgets, we bring out the cane. Then he remembers, without us having to cane him. Most times, caning the sofa will bring back his memories of pain suffered when he was young.
With Keane, I find that it's a very different story, simply because Keane has a high threshold for pain. He has been caned a few times but he doesn't seem to feel the pain. That doesn't stop him from howling when we cane him. But his cries can stop on and start on demand. He will stop immediately when he notices something interesting on TV and then starts again when commercials come on. We suspect he's manipulative and cry to get sympathy. I tried sparing the rod with him and I think it works better although my hubby would beg to differ. I praise Keane for doing good things. I can see that he is more willing to listen when he is praised. Of course, he manipulates me more since I'm the softie. He makes me give him goodies. He makes me take out toys from out of reach places for him more often than the other adults in the family. Would he learn the hard way or the easy way? I have no answer till today because he is still misbehaving sometimes. He has shown tremendous improvement in discipline and that in itself is good enough for me.
How should I handle Ryan? I have no idea and I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Am I a bad parent? I don't know and I won't judge myself.
Quote for the week:
A person is like a book, he shouldn't be judged by its cover and you should read it cover to cover before making any review.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
The sun will always shine.....
Time flies. It's already past mid February and I feel as if I've barely achieved much. I think it's a feeling shared by many people, especially working mothers.
Singapore is facing a declining birth rate and the government is trying to encourage citizens to have more babies. In fact, it's been several years since these efforts began. Why is it that we still don't see a boom? I believe there are many reasons for this phenomena in Singapore.
There are couples who feel that children are too big a responsibility to shoulder. I agree that children are a huge responsibility. Like some Chinese would say "生孩子容易，养孩子不简单". Simply put, it's easy to give birth to a children but no easy feat to bring one up. A parent needs to provide for his child's emotional, social and physiological needs - for at least 20 years. Some people are not prepared to give so much to another being for so long. You might call it selfish. But at least they make the decision up front and do not have a child who is soon forsaken or neglected, even worse, abused.
My heart aches whenever I read about parental abuse of children. I wonder how parents in their right minds can bring about any form of suffering to their flesh and blood. For isn't that what a child is? The very flesh and blood of his parents? It's a miracle for a child to be conceived and develop from a minuscule zygote to a baby. Life in itself is a miracle and for a parent to abuse that miracle is inhumane.
Other couples feel that it is too expensive to bring up a child in Singapore and often stop at one baby. Is it society's fault, as often pointed out by many people? Why blame society? No one is forced to buy OshKosh or Baby Gap for their kids. No one is forced to send their kids to the most expensive child care centers. No one is forced to buy expensive toys for their children every weekend. Why then do people still do that? Not everyone can afford to give their children a luxurious lifestyle but those who can will say that they want to give the best they can to their children. What is the best for our children? A luxurious lifestyle or a balanced lifestyle filled with love and care? Some parents will give their children a lot of material things and I suspect, like me, they feel guilty for not spending enough time with their children. Do we sacrifice quality time with our children to pursue a career or an activity filled personal life? This has a lot to do with individual values.
As a working person, I have a responsibility towards my company to give my best. But it has to be within limits. How do I handle that? I give my all during the week. I work long hours and try to squeeze in a couple of hours with my kids when I reach home, before I hit the laptop again. Sometimes I just put the laptop aside and take a rest. When it is the weekend, all my time is spent with my children, except for the occasional facial that I allow myself. I think being able to maintain a healthy balance not only ensures quality time is spent with children without sacrificing work responsibilities, it also maintains my sanity. It also helps to be up front with your company and it helps a great deal to have an understanding boss. I'm blessed to work in a company that believes in employees maintaining a balanced lifestyle and having a boss who knows what it is like to be a working parent with 3 young children.
Being a parent doesn't mean equating your life to your child's. That would be a mistake which would make everyone miserable. Some parents lose themselves during their journey in parenthood and when their children grow up, they cannot find themselves anymore and lose their purpose in life. That is sad. I try to remember that I am me, myself and Clara. I try to do things which gives me my own personal space. Reading, an occasional meal with a good friend, reading the papers, even driving to work alone. These are activities which give me my personal space. It helps me keep in mind that my life is more than just my work and kids.
How do I manage that? I think the key is to LET GO. Let go of the guilt that I cannot be with my children 24x7. Let go of the type A nature inherent in most parents and leave it to the next best caregiver you can find for your children if you have to work or be away from them. Let go of the worries and learn to look at the bigger picture. That doesn't mean you don't give two hoots about things that happen to your child. You just need to look at the important things. I'm blessed with a domestic helper who is responsible and loving. She helps me take good care of my sons. Does she take care of them the way I would if I were to be a stay home mom? No. Does she have a good command of the English language? No. Does she keep the house totally spick and span? No. Is she a fantastic cook? No. Why then do I still employ her? Does she love my sons? Yes. Does she make sure they have their meals on time when I'm not home? Yes. Does she put them to sleep at their bedtimes? Yes. Does she make sure we all have clean clothes to wear? Yes. Does she make sure we have our dinner when we come home from work? Yes. Does she try her best? Yes.
It's not possible to find that perfect caregiver, whether it is a domestic helper, a grandparent, a childcare teacher or a nanny. But it is possible to manage our expectations. The higher the expectation, the bigger the disappointment. I don't expect much so I don't get disappointed often. How can I be happy? Why not? My kids are healthy, happy and absolutely darling. Xavier can be a crybaby at times. Keane is an absolute nightmare who throws the champion of tantrums. Ryan demands to be carried most of the time and cannot keep his hands off anything within reach. Are they perfect? YES. As cliched as it may sound, I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't have them. They have made me stronger, more understanding, more patient and more tolerant. They made me realize that it is possible to be the most important person in someone's life, even if it were till they find another love in life. They made me realize that I can be someone another being can be dependent on.
Quote for the week:
A parent should be a lifeguard. Allow the swimmer to show off his own stroke but be always ready to come to the rescue at any sign of a call for help.
Singapore is facing a declining birth rate and the government is trying to encourage citizens to have more babies. In fact, it's been several years since these efforts began. Why is it that we still don't see a boom? I believe there are many reasons for this phenomena in Singapore.
There are couples who feel that children are too big a responsibility to shoulder. I agree that children are a huge responsibility. Like some Chinese would say "生孩子容易，养孩子不简单". Simply put, it's easy to give birth to a children but no easy feat to bring one up. A parent needs to provide for his child's emotional, social and physiological needs - for at least 20 years. Some people are not prepared to give so much to another being for so long. You might call it selfish. But at least they make the decision up front and do not have a child who is soon forsaken or neglected, even worse, abused.
My heart aches whenever I read about parental abuse of children. I wonder how parents in their right minds can bring about any form of suffering to their flesh and blood. For isn't that what a child is? The very flesh and blood of his parents? It's a miracle for a child to be conceived and develop from a minuscule zygote to a baby. Life in itself is a miracle and for a parent to abuse that miracle is inhumane.
Other couples feel that it is too expensive to bring up a child in Singapore and often stop at one baby. Is it society's fault, as often pointed out by many people? Why blame society? No one is forced to buy OshKosh or Baby Gap for their kids. No one is forced to send their kids to the most expensive child care centers. No one is forced to buy expensive toys for their children every weekend. Why then do people still do that? Not everyone can afford to give their children a luxurious lifestyle but those who can will say that they want to give the best they can to their children. What is the best for our children? A luxurious lifestyle or a balanced lifestyle filled with love and care? Some parents will give their children a lot of material things and I suspect, like me, they feel guilty for not spending enough time with their children. Do we sacrifice quality time with our children to pursue a career or an activity filled personal life? This has a lot to do with individual values.
As a working person, I have a responsibility towards my company to give my best. But it has to be within limits. How do I handle that? I give my all during the week. I work long hours and try to squeeze in a couple of hours with my kids when I reach home, before I hit the laptop again. Sometimes I just put the laptop aside and take a rest. When it is the weekend, all my time is spent with my children, except for the occasional facial that I allow myself. I think being able to maintain a healthy balance not only ensures quality time is spent with children without sacrificing work responsibilities, it also maintains my sanity. It also helps to be up front with your company and it helps a great deal to have an understanding boss. I'm blessed to work in a company that believes in employees maintaining a balanced lifestyle and having a boss who knows what it is like to be a working parent with 3 young children.
Being a parent doesn't mean equating your life to your child's. That would be a mistake which would make everyone miserable. Some parents lose themselves during their journey in parenthood and when their children grow up, they cannot find themselves anymore and lose their purpose in life. That is sad. I try to remember that I am me, myself and Clara. I try to do things which gives me my own personal space. Reading, an occasional meal with a good friend, reading the papers, even driving to work alone. These are activities which give me my personal space. It helps me keep in mind that my life is more than just my work and kids.
How do I manage that? I think the key is to LET GO. Let go of the guilt that I cannot be with my children 24x7. Let go of the type A nature inherent in most parents and leave it to the next best caregiver you can find for your children if you have to work or be away from them. Let go of the worries and learn to look at the bigger picture. That doesn't mean you don't give two hoots about things that happen to your child. You just need to look at the important things. I'm blessed with a domestic helper who is responsible and loving. She helps me take good care of my sons. Does she take care of them the way I would if I were to be a stay home mom? No. Does she have a good command of the English language? No. Does she keep the house totally spick and span? No. Is she a fantastic cook? No. Why then do I still employ her? Does she love my sons? Yes. Does she make sure they have their meals on time when I'm not home? Yes. Does she put them to sleep at their bedtimes? Yes. Does she make sure we all have clean clothes to wear? Yes. Does she make sure we have our dinner when we come home from work? Yes. Does she try her best? Yes.
It's not possible to find that perfect caregiver, whether it is a domestic helper, a grandparent, a childcare teacher or a nanny. But it is possible to manage our expectations. The higher the expectation, the bigger the disappointment. I don't expect much so I don't get disappointed often. How can I be happy? Why not? My kids are healthy, happy and absolutely darling. Xavier can be a crybaby at times. Keane is an absolute nightmare who throws the champion of tantrums. Ryan demands to be carried most of the time and cannot keep his hands off anything within reach. Are they perfect? YES. As cliched as it may sound, I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't have them. They have made me stronger, more understanding, more patient and more tolerant. They made me realize that it is possible to be the most important person in someone's life, even if it were till they find another love in life. They made me realize that I can be someone another being can be dependent on.
Quote for the week:
A parent should be a lifeguard. Allow the swimmer to show off his own stroke but be always ready to come to the rescue at any sign of a call for help.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
INSPIRATION.....
Here's the link to Shin's cancer blog.....if it doesn't work, do a search for shin's cancer blog....
http://shinscancerblog.blogspot.com/
I've never read her blog although I've seen her in the news....after reading it, I'm even more inspired to continue with my blog and I want to make this something that I can leave for my children, hubby and friends. A piece of me which will be there.....
I'd like to share something about my children...I call them my 3 monstrous musketeers.....Xavier (5), Keane (3) and Ryan (9 mths).
My lovely boys are the joy of my life. I can go on and on about them so there you have my source for going on with blogging.
Something sweet and funny that Xavier said:
Xavier: Mummy, I want a mei-mei (little sister)....
Me: Who's going to look after mei-mei?
Xavier: I'll look after mei-mei and Keane will look after Ryan. But please stop after that otherwise there will be too many children (in our family).....
On another occasion:
Xavier: Mummy, when I am six and Keane is four and Ryan is two, can we have a mei-mei?
I wonder why my son's asking me for a little sister. He probably wants to balance the sexes in our family.
I can't share much about what Keane says as he is still focusing on physical development rather than speech. But here's one that's bound to bring on a smile. My mom has a habit of saying "call me" when she meets Keane, in an effort to teach him manners in her own way. So he is used to saying "po po" (granny) in response.
Conversation between Keane and hubby:
Dad: Call me...
Keane: po po
Dad: Call ME...
Keane: po po
Dad (exasperated): no...call me Daddy.
Keane: Daddy
Dad: call me
Keane: po po
This is a classic example of the dangers of teaching by rote. I have to help me unlearn the rote answer to the request "call me". Maybe it's simpler if we just not make that request to him. His life is quite complicated as it is.
I think I know where this will go and I will see if I can continue in this direction......
I seriously have to think of how to improve the look of this blog. For now it will have to be character being more important than looks, or content more important than cover.
http://shinscancerblog.blogspot.com/
I've never read her blog although I've seen her in the news....after reading it, I'm even more inspired to continue with my blog and I want to make this something that I can leave for my children, hubby and friends. A piece of me which will be there.....
I'd like to share something about my children...I call them my 3 monstrous musketeers.....Xavier (5), Keane (3) and Ryan (9 mths).
My lovely boys are the joy of my life. I can go on and on about them so there you have my source for going on with blogging.
Something sweet and funny that Xavier said:
Xavier: Mummy, I want a mei-mei (little sister)....
Me: Who's going to look after mei-mei?
Xavier: I'll look after mei-mei and Keane will look after Ryan. But please stop after that otherwise there will be too many children (in our family).....
On another occasion:
Xavier: Mummy, when I am six and Keane is four and Ryan is two, can we have a mei-mei?
I wonder why my son's asking me for a little sister. He probably wants to balance the sexes in our family.
I can't share much about what Keane says as he is still focusing on physical development rather than speech. But here's one that's bound to bring on a smile. My mom has a habit of saying "call me" when she meets Keane, in an effort to teach him manners in her own way. So he is used to saying "po po" (granny) in response.
Conversation between Keane and hubby:
Dad: Call me...
Keane: po po
Dad: Call ME...
Keane: po po
Dad (exasperated): no...call me Daddy.
Keane: Daddy
Dad: call me
Keane: po po
This is a classic example of the dangers of teaching by rote. I have to help me unlearn the rote answer to the request "call me". Maybe it's simpler if we just not make that request to him. His life is quite complicated as it is.
I think I know where this will go and I will see if I can continue in this direction......
I seriously have to think of how to improve the look of this blog. For now it will have to be character being more important than looks, or content more important than cover.
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