It's been three months since Keane has started Primary school. He finally stopped calling his dad from school everyday since March. We went to school for a Parent Teacher Meeting in March. We went to school with a sense of foreboding.
Keane is very different from Xavier and all the teachers from their pre-school realized this very quickly. They subsequently learn about Keane's behaviour and generally when you are in pre-school teachers tend to be more tolerant. I guess it is because the kids are still very young and developing. We were very proud that Keane made a lot of development throughout his pre-school days. He changed from a toddler who would run out of class on his own to a kid who is an active participant in class. His tantrum throwing version of bawling and rolling on the floor became a more subdued trembling of lips and occasional silent tears. This transformation took place over 4 years. But he is still not the same as a lot of the other children.
So we went to see Keane's form teacher first. We had an initial overview of his Math work, which is better than average but not among the top in class. The teacher believed that, with more effort, Keane can do well. The teacher then tried to broach the topic of his behaviour subtly by asking some questions. Then a professional counselor came to join us. We had an open discussion about Keane's behaviour so that the counselor can understand him better.
We shared our own observations of Keane. Keane loves to participate and if he is not selected, he is sorely disappointed. And he is unable to conceal his disappointment. He also expresses his emotions through actions rather than words. The teacher had a few incidents where Keane gave her a shock. He walked out of the classroom because he was unhappy, he banged his books very loudly on the table. In fact, Keane is not able to conceal his emotions most of the time. I told the counselor that Keane has not been very good at expressing his emotions through words, hence the dramatic actions. He called me Mummy only when he was three. He developed his speech slower than Xavier and Ryan. In fact I was planning to bring him to a professional if he continues to show difficulty or unwillingness to talk in complete sentences or express his thoughts. The counselor seemed grateful that we were open to the discussion and that we recognized we had to do more investigation. He didn't make a conclusion about Keane as he felt it normally takes at least 6 months to profile a child, even for a professional. Apparently he has been observing Keane during recess and whenever he could to try to establish a profile. He even noticed the difference between Xavier and Keane, which was pretty evident.
Admittedly we were a bit worried after that discussion but we expected something like that. So we went to see the Chinese teacher and English teacher to get more feedback. The Chinese teacher said that Keane has "anger management" issues but he gives Keane a "cooling down" corner whenever Keane shows signs of being upset. After his cooling down session, Keane is fine. Surprisingly, he said that Keane has made a lot of behavioural improvement over 3 months. He just encouraged us to speak to him using Mandarin more often. Our hearts were not so heavy after that. Next was the English teacher. Hubby was worried because English teacher texted him about Keane throwing away his homework before.
After a long wait, we were finally able to meet the English teacher. She said that Keane has made tremendous improvement over the last 3 months and in fact she was very proud of him! He is able to keep quiet during class when the teacher is not around by reading his story book. He is also good at recital and comes up with ideas. The only thing he had to work on was to be able to write his thoughts. He could verbalise his ideas to the teacher but came up with only half a sentence on paper. The English teacher said that children need to be understood and coaxed. Keane refused to go to the parade square for assembly but the English teacher never gave up trying to coax him. He now goes to the parade square instead of sitting on a bench outside the general office in the morning. He used to boycott mass exercise but the English teacher made it a point to do the exercises with him and now he participates with enthusiasm. The English teacher asked us to let him know that he can always look for her if he needs someone to talk to or to get guidance from. Kudos to Mrs Goh!
After meeting the 3 different teachers, we came to a conclusion that the form teacher was not experienced enough. She has probably not come across as many types of children as the other 2. And she came across as being scared and worried about not being able to handle Keane.
It is expected of a child who has not been tainted with false pretences and lies, even white ones, to demonstrate what adults label as "appropriate behaviour". I'm sure all of us have come across a child who said, "Eeee, Daddy farted!" or "Mummy, I need to go bang-sai (poop)" in a crowded lift or department store. The most important is that we do not expect all children to grow up to be the same. I would hate for my kids to be depressed because they have to do and say what the adults expect them to. They would lose themselves in the process.
Of course, Keane is not perfect. He is what I call a sore loser. He gets upset when he doesn't win at games. We are continuously reminding him that he will not win all the time and he has to accept that. But we encourage him to keep trying and not give up. We do this through playing XBox games. Every time he yells or grumbles about not winning the javelin throw or long jump, we tell him that he has to practice to get better. We threaten to cut off the games if he continues to be a sore loser.
That being said, I would still bring him to see a doctor to evaluate whether he needs further help with verbalising his thoughts. In the meantime, we have gotten used to him calling us Dad and Mum instead of Daddy and Mummy like the other 2. We're guessing it's either through reading Horrid Henry or watching too much TV. It's very funny because it is so ang-mo (Caucasian) to us. Not that Daddy and Mummy isn't....everything is a matter of perception, understanding and acceptance.