3 weeks ago I received a call from my mom telling me that my uncle was hospitalized. This uncle is my dad's elder brother. He lives alone and was found unconscious at home. My dad visits him very regularly and calls him almost everyday. Recently he has been tired and lost his appetite. We found out later that he fell and lost consciousness.
Nobody knows when and how he fell. He was unconscious for about a day in hospital. The doctors were unable to identify the issue with him other than the presence of a virus in his body. He was intravenously fed for a few days and was given multiple doses of antibiotics. After he regained consciousness he asked for food and water. He was very thirsty but was not allowed to take anything orally for fear that the food may go to his lungs since he was very weak. We had to wet his mouth and let him suck on wet cotton swabs.
I tried to visit him as often as I could. It was a blessing that I was on leave that week due to school vacations. However, I also had to bring Keane to the psychologist and for speech therapy. So my time was more limited than I would have liked. I also had a business trip the following week. My family insisted that I continued with my trip and they would handle everything. Almost a week after I left, my uncle passed away in hospital.
I was sad that my uncle passed away without his own family with him. He divorced when I was very young and was estranged from his two sons. Apparently they came looking for him sometime back asking for money but never showed up again when they learnt that he didn't have much. He had friends and was closest to my dad. I wasn't much of a niece until recently. I visited him during Chinese New Year and would give him some money through my dad. I used to buy him liquor when I returned from my business trips until my mom started complaining. I regret that I succumbed and took the easy way out by following her wishes. It's easier to avoid nagging.
When my uncle was in hospital, our relatives visited him. I was there almost everyday during that first week. My mom nagged again about being in the hospital too often and for too long periods. She is a very weird person. This time I didn't listen to her. I tried to make my uncle comfortable. Even when he was just lying in bed and sleeping, I felt my presence made a small difference. At least someone familiar was there when he woke up. I told myself, if I didn't took the opportunity, I might never get a chance to do so again. Who knew that I would be right in the end.
This episode was another wake up call. Why do we always take our family members for granted until it is sometimes too late? I remember listening to the song "The Living Years" when I was in secondary school and being reminded to treasure the relationship I had with my dad. I was never close to my mom. Till this day we have a love-hate relationship. I try my best to be the obedient daughter but it is hard. Sometimes I have to do things just to make her happy. I try to do so while retaining my own principles. It is trying at times.
The saddest part about my uncle's passing was the reality of humanity or lack of it. There are people who do things out of convenience, there are others who do it out of genuine love and there are others who do things for others to see. Some people visit because they have to. Some people visit because they want to. Some stay away out of fear. Some stay away out of anger. My dad remarked that if my uncle was richer, he might have more visitors. My auntie, my dad's sister, told me that when her husband was in hospital years ago, he had many visitors. The nurses in the ward asked my cousin what line of business my uncle was in to have so many visitors. My cousin said his dad was a taxi driver. His dad was a very kind man. He must have touched the lives of many people during his time.
For a fiercely independent person like my uncle to lose his capability to take care of himself must have been hard. He kept wanting to go to the toilet but was not allowed out of bed because they feared he might fall. It must have felt a bit of a loss of dignity for him to have to poop in diapers. For an obsessively clean person, I think he was more upset about having to make a mess. To need to ask for help for everything must have been very hard for him. I am afraid that I will end up in the same condition one day. It is very frightening.
I wasn't able to attend my uncle's funeral but I wasn't upset by that. Funerals serve the living more than the dead. I didn't need to attend the funeral to have closure. My uncle was very considerate. He had previously asked for his ashes to be thrown into the sea so that no one would need to pay him respects at his commemorative tablet after his passing. That's what the family did.
I asked God to end my uncle's suffering as fast as possible - through fast recovery or an early release. I guess 2 weeks in hospital can be considered quite a short time. It was unfortunate that they couldn't discharge him from hospital as he would have preferred that. My brother told me he passed away peacefully so I am grateful God answered my prayers. I hope that God will show me some mercy when it is my time to go. More importantly that He shows my family mercy when it is my time to go.