Challenges

Recently, I received advice from one of Keane's trainers at Mindchamps. She said that Keane may need extra attention or intervention due to his behaviour in the class. He was uncooperative at times and wasn't able to accept that he wouldn't be called on each time he volunteered to answer questions. He sounds like a spoiled brat, doesn't he? He isn't and I'm not an over indulgent mother.

I was reminded of what the school counsellor said last year during the first parent teacher conference. At that time, the counsellor said he was going to continue monitoring Keane's behaviour in school. Since I didn't hear from him since then, I thought all was well.

What did the counsellor say back then? Keane was unable to control his emotions, showed reluctance to use words to express himself and largely kept to himself at school. It was an extension of his behaviour in pre-school with the exception that he could control his emotions with much effort and guidance. He was still unable to adapt to new situations or changes to his routine without advance warning.

I decided to bring Keane to a GP on my company's panel of clinics, hoping that it would be easier than going through the polyclinic. After a harrowing day, I was no better off. I went to the GP by myself in the morning and was told that the doctor had to observe Keane before he could write a referral letter. He advised me to go to the polyclinic which would be a much cheaper route. I was concerned about the timeliness of going that route so I insisted that I wanted to go through the panel. So I brought Keane back to the GP in the afternoon. It was another doctor in duty. This doctor didn't even talk to Keane but wrote a referral letter immediately. The nurses were unable to fix an appointment for me on the same day and asked me to return in the evening. I was unable to return in the evening but called back the next morning. Unfortunately the nurses told me that KK Hospital attended to only children below the age of 6. So the clinic wasn't able to do anything for me.


After much swearing to myself, I called the school principal. She said she would ask the counsellor to contact me. I was surprised that the principal was aware of Keane's behaviour. It doesn't seem like a good sign for my son to be in the principals radar.

When the counsellor called back, we fixed an appointment after a brief discussion of the situation. He saw some improvement towards the end of last year but the behaviour pattern returned at the beginning of this year. He was glad that I reached out to the school and shared more information about Keane's behaviour.

Keane is very good natured, generous and innocent. However, he faces challenges in adapting to new circumstances. He loves dancing and pestered us to let him go for hip hop classes. We signed him up for weekly hip hop junior classes at The Ballet School late last year. The first few weeks were distressing to say the least. He would run out of the class in frustration or throw a tantrum in the class. The strange thing was that he reported every disruptive action to me immediately after class. He knew that he would get into trouble but it never crossed his mind to cover up. Such was his innocence. On good days, he would run out of the class with his hair wet with perspiration and tell me he did well. On bad days, he would drag his feet out with a head of dry hair. It was painfully adorable. Each week, as I waited for him while having a foot massage, my heart was in my mouth, hoping the administrative assistant at the school wouldn't call me.

He was so disruptive that the administrative assistant advised me to pull him out. Keane was almost going to give up too. But his teacher said he was doing better and that he had a flair for dancing. I was not going to let him give up so easily so I had a heart to heart talk with him. I learned that he was frustrated because he was unable to follow the steps in class. I told him that he was there to learn, not to perform. It's perfectly normal for him to be unable to execute the steps at the first try. I told him that I would be disappointed with him for not even trying, rather than not being able to dance. After that talk, he was able to accept that he wasn't perfect and it was more important for him to try. My son had learnt the meaning of grit. However, disaster struck again when a relief teacher took over the class for a couple of weeks. He couldn't understand the change of teacher and sat out the entire class. After some explanation, peace returned the next week.

The same pattern happened at Mindchamps and at school when he had a change of teacher. The good thing is the adults realized this and prompted him of the changes ahead of time. With advance warning, Keane was able to accept new teachers much more easily.

During discussions with the counsellor, I learnt that he didn't mix with his school mates very much. He would eat by himself during recess and he would walk around by himself or sit outside the general office before recess ends. Now I know why he said he doesn't have friends in school. He refers to his classmates as "the pupils". However, he demonstrated positive interaction when he was with Xavier. 

Keane was still unwilling to use words to communicate if he could help it. He'd rather use gestures. However, he can rattle off facts he learns from reading comics or watching television programmes. He doesn't initiate hugs or physical contact. He hates it when his brothers kiss him, crying bloody murder about the onslaught of germs. He doesn't love anyone, if his answer to the question "Who do you love?" can be trusted. It took me almost a year to drill into him that his family members loved him. Our conversations used to go like this:

Mummy: Who do you love, Keane?

Keane: Nobody....

Mummy: Who loves you then?

Keane: Nobody....

Other than feeling heartache, I was very worried. Something is not right. So the conversations became:

Mummy: Who do you love, Keane?

Keane: Nobody....

Mummy: Who loves you then?

Keane: Nobody....

Mummy: No, Mummy and Daddy love you. Xavier and Ryan loves you.

A while later, it goes:

Mummy: Does Mummy love you, Keane?

Keane: Yes....(with much reluctance)

Mummy: Does Daddy love you, Keane?

Keane: No......

Mummy: Why?

Keane: Daddy always scold me.

Mummy: Daddy scolds you because he wants you to do the right things. When you do something wrong, Daddy will scold you so that you will remember what is the right thing to do.

Keane: Okaaaay.....

You get the picture. After a year, he can tell me that Daddy, Mummy, Ye Ye, Ah Ma, Gong Gong and Po Po love him. Xavier and Ryan too, although with some reluctance. His concept of love is not as developed as other children his age.

We did a test which was supposed to provide a gauge of Keane's development in 3 areas with the school counsellor. The 3 areas were social development, language and communication. Or something like that. The scoring was based on observations made by the counsellor and ourselves. His score for language was significantly low enough to warrant follow up with the education psychologist appointed by the Ministry of Education.

We met with the education psychologist who went through a similar discussion with us. We also noticed that he puts in a lot of effort to write neatly. The observation at the end is he needs help in the form of Speech and Language Therapy (SLT) and may need Occupational Therapy (OT) after further observation.

After a couple of days we received a recommendation letter which we were supposed to bring with us to the polyclinic. This allowed us to obtain a referral to the Child Development Unit (CDU) of the National University Hospital (NUH) at a heavily subsidized rate. We are waiting for the CDU to call with an appointment date.

Through this episode thus far, I discovered the vast improvement towards student care. We have never had such options in the past, at least not that I'm aware of. My colleague from the USA shared that the schools in the US do not provide such options. You would have to seek private help if needed.

I'm glad that we are taking steps towards helping Keane. At least we will know if he truly has Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Knowing is a lot better than not knowing. I'll try to update as often as I can to share the experience with anyone interested in knowing. Wish us luck!

Staycation at Rasa Sentosa

During the June school holidays, we made a last minute decision to take a staycation. For those familiar with me, staycations are a huge part of my family holiday plans after one trip to Hong Kong Disneyland. The convenience and ease of a staycation never fail to attract us to the various hotels on Sentosa, namely the ones in Resorts World. This year we were faced with a challenge. Resorts World was fully booked!

Rasa Sentosa Resort and Spa by Shangri-La

After scouting around on the internet, I found that Rasa Sentosa by Shangri-La may be a good alternative. So I booked a 3 days, 2 nights stay for the family. When we arrived at the hotel, we ran into some friends who also made the same booking for the same reason. So we were a bit apprehensive since the hotel didn't appear to be the first choice among friends. Well, we were proven wrong over the next couple of days.

Deluxe Pool View Room with Twin Beds

The room was fantastic for a few reasons. Please note that we selected the deluxe pool view room which is bigger than most of the other rooms. We were unable to secure a room with a King sized bed but the one with Twin beds worked equally well.

1) There was a bathtub in the bathroom. This was a hit with the boys.

2) The floor was tiled rather than carpeted. This is a lot more hygienic in my mind and the boys could sit on the floor without me worrying about germs and bugs.

3) The sofa bed was the size of a Queen size bed! A lot nicer for the helper even though she had to sleep with one of the boys.

4) There was a lovely view of the pool, needless to mention.

There was free wifi throughout the hotel, which was fantastic. We booked during a promotion period and the boys had free access to the Kids Club. They enjoyed themselves tremendously. There were activities such as a walk, scavenger hunt and indoor activities like art and Wii (which topped everything). Food was provided free as well, nice! We also had free breakfast for the family at the cafe which provided a scrumptious spread, including a section just for kids.

View of the pool from our room

The pool was fun for the children because there were 3 slides for the kids, compared to only one at the Hard Rock Hotel in Resorts World. The pool was divided into sections for kids and adults.

Mother peacock with chicks

Peacock resting at night

We could see peacocks roaming the grounds during the day and sleeping on the tree outside our room at night. Yes, the peacocks could make their way to the branches of the trees, 4 stories high, and sleep while perched on he branches. I learn something new everyday, even when on vacation. There were squirrels scooting about as well.





Peacock perching on railing

The hotel provided free shuttle to Vivocity and this was very convenient for my parents who visited on the first night. We also went out for dinner with the boys on the second night. Window shopping at Vivocity is always welcome. There are also free shuttles within Sentosa from the bus stop near the hotel so it was easy to get around the island.

Overall, the hotel was very idyllic and not as urbanised as Resorts World. If you are looking for a quiet place to stay, without being too far from the excitement, this is the place to go to. I've asked the boys if they would like to return in December. I've received a mixed response - Xavier wants to stay at home (don't ask), Keane wants to return and Ryan wants to go to the Shangri-La in Penang because that comes with a huge indoor playground with big slides. We would most likely return to Rasa Sentosa.

Idyllic surroundings

My advice is to plan early and book fast!

What's been going on?

It's been a long time since I last made an entry. Many things have obviously been happening. My work has been keeping me busy but I have to be honest that I've been involved in more mind numbing activities like catching up on movies and watching television programmes. These are not really intellectually stimulating but provide a convenient form of escapism. So what have I been up to?

Let me start with the simple things first. I renewed my passport and was very impressed with the efficiency of the entire process although there was one thing that irked me. I received the notification that my passport was going to expire in February 2015 in the month of May 2014. "Why so kiasu?" some of you might ask. There is a very valid reason for that. Most countries require travellers to have a passport with a validity of at least 6 months before they allow entry across their border. The Immigration and Checkpoints Authority (ICA) warned me about that in their letter. ICA is also very aware of procrastinators like me! I didn't take action until late July. Why did I not take action? I have nothing but a lame excuse that I was travelling a lot for work during May. I had to follow up on the travels when I returned. I have already said it was a lame excuse.

By the time I decided that I couldn't delay the process, I faced the challenge of a photo. Although I knew that you cannot submit a selfie for a passport photo, I didn't realize it had to be taken against a white background with your eyebrows and ears clearly visible. You couldn't have any shadows either. So I don't know the power of Photoshop or other similar software. I went to one of those self service machines and found out it was $7 for a set of photos. I decided it was not worth the money because you only have one shot at the photo. After attempting to ask the hubby to take a photo for me, I decided that keeping my marriage happy for $7 was a very cheap price to pay.

I went to a shop at Toa Payoh to have my photo taken for $8 (soft copy only). I could choose the one which didn't make me look like a troll (see the value add with the extra $1?) and pick up the drive in 15 minutes. I went home and submitted my online application to renew my passport on the same day. Since it was already August, I was obviously a little anxious. After 3 days, I made an online enquiry and saw instructions for me to submit a hard copy of my photo! I was unhappy. Over the weekend, another 3 days later, I took the drive and went to a shop at Yishun to print 4 copies for $8. I should have had more faith in our government service. When I went home to print the instruction page for submitting the photo, I saw that my passport was ready for collection in 2 days. If I had the sense to check before I printed the photos, I could have saved $8. It was a lesson well learnt.

I made an appointment to collect my passport online and was prepared for a long wait even though ICA encouraged me to arrive within 15 minutes of my appointed time to avoid a long wait. I drove to the ICA building and was horrified that the car park was full. But I managed to secure a lot out of sheer luck when someone pulled out of his lot a couple of minutes after I put on my hazard lights. I walked to the building, followed the instructions and went to collect my queue number on level 2. I walked into the waiting hall, queue number in hand, and groaned inwardly because there were a lot of people seated in the hall. What happened end was unbelievable. The moment I stepped into the hall, my number was called! I walked up to the counter and collected my passport in about 5 minutes. All I had to do was inform the officer that I didn't have any other citizenship (why would I when I'm Singaporean?), had both thumb prints taken and sign an acknowledgement form. I was informed that the remaining period on my old passport was added to the 5 year validity of my renewal. I was in and out of the place in under 15 minutes.

I was very impressed with the entire process which was very efficient. Barely 2 weeks later, I was given another opportunity to observe the efficiencies of the system. I had to bring Keane to the polyclinic to obtain a referral letter (more of that in another post). The nearest polyclinic was in Yishun (see how ulu Sembawang is?). I took leave to bring him to the polyclinic, remembering how long queues used to be, on a Friday that was a school holiday. The polyclinic opens at 8am. I tried to make an appointment online at 7.30am but found that he is not registered with the polyclinic and my own ID was linked to my old mobile number. I called the customer service line at 8am and managed to get through after less than 5 futile attempts. It was evident I'm not the only one trying to be an early bird. The customer service officer who helped me register Keane and obtain an appointment was very helpful and efficient. I not only updated my mobile number but managed to obtain an appointment for 9.40am. The officer requested that I arrive at 9.30am for the registration process. Upon arrival, Keane was registered, including having his weight taken, within 5 minutes.

I was a bit lost in the polyclinic since we usually go to the GP on my company panel. But I managed to go to the right hall and we were in front of the doctor in less than 5 minutes. The doctor asked me questions, I gave her Keane's background and she spoke to him all within 10 minutes. The doctor decided to give us a referral letter to the Child Development Unit for autism and speech therapy, instead of only speech therapy that we came for. The education psychologist at the school was going to observe Keane before making a recommendation for autism. I'm digressing and divulging too much from my next post!

We went to the main hall to make payment and collect the referral letter. Everything was completed in about 10 minutes. I was extremely impressed that we didn't have to spend more time than necessary in the polyclinic. Call me paranoid but isn't that where a lot of germs can be found?

My point by sharing the 2 incidents above is to give kudos to the government service in being efficient where customer service is concerned. Being from a service industry myself, the importance of satisfactory customer service is ingrained in me. I was actually very proud when I went through the system on 2 occasions and found that I had a very pleasant experience. Why proud? Because I am Singsporean lah!

Happy 49th Birthday Singapore!