Lunar New Year

Today is the first day of the Lunar New Year. This year is the year of the Dragon according to the Chinese Horoscope. The year of the Dragon is very unique. It is the only mystical creature out of the twelve animal signs. It is also believed to be the most powerful. For that reason, many parents choose to have their children in the year of the Dragon. Children born in the year of the Dragon are said to be very intelligent and have a smooth life ahead of them. None of my children are born in the year of the Dragon.

We went to visit a few relatives today. My in-laws home was the first stop. On the 1st and 15th of every Lunar month, my in-laws go vegetarian, as do my hubby and myself. On the 1st day of Lunar New Year, mymother-in-law will prepare vegetarian bee hoon and noodles. The whole family will gather at her home and have breakfast. In previous years, we will go to hubby's grandmother place. We didn't do that this year because she passed away last year. The visit to the temple went on as usual after that. To pay respects to hubby's maternal grandmother, visit an old neighbour who is now a nun and to pray to Buddha.

We took a rest at the in-laws' until we were ready to visit my uncle and auntie. Some relatives came to my in-laws before we left so we stayed to chit chat for a while. Then it was off to my uncle's place which was nearby. My annual visit to my uncle is always interesting. He has many stories and comments.

My uncle is divorced. His wife left him many years ago and took both his sons with her. His sons have never acknowledged him except to ask him for money before they started working. They have not looked him up since. My uncle is a man of much pride. He had his ups and downs in life. When he was younger, he would go into many business ventures. He made a lot of money but lost a lot of money too. He was an easy going person. Money lost can be made again. He was also fiercely loyal. We used to be able to tell whether his was doing well by the red packets he gave us during Lunar New Year. When times were good, he would give us $50. When times were bad, he would give us $20. During the 70s, $50 was a lot of money for a red packet.

My uncle used to have a very bad temper. He would get into arguments frequently after he has had one drink too many. Once he was jailed for using a parang on someone. He was 60 at that time. He is now living in a 2 room flat in Bukit Merah. He is poor but he still has his pride. I respect him for keeping his dignity. His instruction to my dad was to cremate him and scatter his ashes into the sea when he dies. He heard that he can create good karma when the fishes in the sea consume his remains. I can tell he has accepted his fate and no longer has any misgivings about the past.

We went to my auntie’s place at Jalan Rumah Tinggi which was nearby. My auntie is a widow whose husband passed away more than 20 years ago. She has 4 children and 6 grandchildren. Her small 3 room flat is always packed during Lunar New Year. She doesn’t stay there on a regular basis any more but makes it a point to go back there during holidays or important dates. It has been her home for a very long time. We used to visit her every Friday when we were young, until my uncle passed away. I had an enjoyable time chatting with my cousins even though 3 of them were at least 10 years older than me.

I always enjoy meeting my auntie. She is a very caring lady. My auntie is a very stoic lady. She came to Singapore at the age of 3 with mygrandparents. Being the eldest in the family, she is firm and strict. She used to sell drinks at a school canteen. My uncle was a taxi driver. He was very devoted to my auntie. He would ferry her everywhere she needed to go. He would do the marketing for the family. He was a very good family man. He would sit at his favourite chair at home when we visit and watch us play while he chats withmy parents. My auntie is a very traditional Teochew lady. She would make sure her children greet all the relatives they met. During dinner, we would address all our elders in order of seniority before we eat. My auntie makes a mean ngoh hiang (pork roll) and sweet sour pork. I remember that I would only eat sweet and sour pork she prepared. I had an aversion to all other pork.

Tomorrow is going to be a quiet day with a visit to my friend and mom’s.

Till Death Do Us Part

My foster grandfather (Ah Gong) passed away earlier this week. It wasn't an emotional event for me because I was not close to him. However his death and the subsequent events evoked many thoughts. I've wrote about death and my thoughts about it before. I'd like to share something from a slightly different perspective.

After Ah Gong's death, his children wanted the entire family to gather. My uncle and auntie requested for my presence vide my mom. I didn't turn up for several reasons. Firstly it is too close to Chinese New Year and my mom didn't think that it was a good idea. Obviously didn't tell her siblings that. Secondly, I am not close to my Ah Gong and I had no feeling about his passing. I know I may sound awfully heartless but it's the truth. Thirdly, if I went to the wake and funeral, I would not have been able to go visiting during Chinese New Year, according to custom. That would not have been nice for my kids.

My Ah Gong was a very quiet man. He never spoke much and when he did, he was very soft spoken. I don't recall much conversation between us even though we were neighbours for at least a decade. But I can imagine that he worked very hard. In fact my foster grandmother (Po Po) did too. They had 6 children, including my mom. My mom was fostered, or in those days sold, to them when she was a baby/toddler. The family stayed on the second floor of a shop house near the Singapore River. I remember visiting them when I was very young. When I was in primary school, both grandparents moved into the flat next to ours, in Telok Blangah, with my uncle and auntie. They were the youngest of the 6 and only a few years older than me. My aunt was 2 years older than me.

My mother never told me much of her life story. She would just share snippets about how she had to take care of her siblings from a young age. My mom had to stop her education after a few years in primary school because of financial reasons. There were just too many children and I suppose she wasn't given much priority since she was a girl and fostered. Much of what I learnt was from eavesdropping on my mom's telephone calls or chit chat sessions with her friends. I learnt of sibling rivalry, jealousy, conflicts, etc.

After we moved to Pasir Ris, we visited my grandparents once a year during Chinese New Year. We also met for dinner during Po Po's birthday. I don't recall having dinner during Ah Gong's birthday. My memory may have failed me. I see Ah Gong and Po Po occasionally when we meet by chance. I greet them, they ask me how I am, we chit chat for a while and then it's till the next time, whenever that is.

I remember vividly that I said a prayer a couple of days after learning about Ah Gong's cancer. My mom told me that the doctors gave him 2 days because the cancer has infected both his lungs. On the third day, I said a prayer. I asked God to take away Ah Gong's suffering. He passed away the next day. God answered my prayer. I did not ask for him to die but at least his suffering ended.

My relatives may despise me for not turning up when he was waiting for his death. They may call me disrespectful for not turning up at the wake and funeral. They may never look me up again. Till someone's death did we really part our ways.

A death in the family may pull a family apart or bring it closer together. I don't understand why many people wait till a death before they decide that the rest of the family should get together. Just like why we need a Mother's Day to remind ourselves to give thanks to our moms. How much closure can we get at a person's deathbed, wake or funeral? What if you arrive at the deathbed one minute too late? Would you live the rest of your live without closure? Why leave things to chance? Say your "Thank you", "I love you" and "Sorry" today. Don't wait till it's too late.

Road Safety

I hate to start the New Year with a post that carries negative news. A 9 year old boy was knocked down by a speeding vehicle in Sembawang on Friday 13 Jan. He passed away the following day.

Comments on the blog of Endeavour's principal shed some light on the accident. Someone saw the deceased running across the road at a traffic light to catch a bus. The green man at the traffic light was flashing. 2 other boys who were running with him decided to give up the chase. The next thing that the witness saw was a car hitting the boy. Apparently he flew upon impact.

It's very sad that the accident could have been avoided if everyone played their part.

I feel that my kids should not be allowed to go anywhere on their own until they are in secondary school, when they are 13 years old. My kids should take the school bus or be ferried by their parents. I always insist that they hold the hands of an adult when they cross a road, walk in the car park or just along any side street within the estate. That's how paranoid I am.

The paranoia came about because of an accident 10 years ago involving the child of an ex-colleague. His son was standing at a traffic light junction when a car hit him. He was not even walking, just waiting for the traffic light to change. I think the child was 7 or 10 years old. It was heart wrenching.

When I was a kid, my parents made sure that I was escorted to the school gate every day until I was in secondary school. I was not allowed to go out with my friends or on my own until I was 12. There was once I sneaked off after an excursion to go to McDonalds with my friends when I was 11 (primary 5). That made my brother late for his swimming and I got hell from my mom even though she didn't know about my trip. That was the one and only time. The only other time I was allowed out was to go to a friend's home when I was 12 (primary 6). I think it was more of my safety than anything else that made my parents strict. I am grateful for that.

I've seen cars parked outside the school gate at Endeavour during dismissal time, despite the principal's request for parents not to do so. The children just cross the road in between the cars and drivers cannot see them until it is too late. There are some parents who allow their kids to just get out of the car and cross the road by themselves. My message to them is: Don't take things for granted. Teach your kids that the walk to the nearest pedestrian crossing or overhead bridge is worth the effort.

Drivers must take care and not speed. I admit that I speed more than I should. However I slow things down when I am driving in a housing estate where jay walking is more prevalent. When I jay walk, I tend to be overly careful. It's just a habit developed from young. I won't change.

I hope that everyone will put in a bit more effort towards road safety, for others and us.