The National Rally 2009

Just finished watching the telecast of the Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong speaking at the National Day Rally. The most interesting part of his speech was the part where he showed the progress of Singapore over the years from the 1960s to date. It is amazing to see how the nation has changed so much.

No more talk of babies tonight. Has the government given up? A recent article in the papers reported that despite the amount of bonus payouts, the number of births have not increased. Why do people not want to have children? Many people say it's not easy to have children. It is a costly process and a very heavy responsibility which comes with the commitment.

What does it take to encourage our people to have babies? I think it's not just the monetary incentives. We need a change in mindset. The inculcation of family values from young is very important. But with today's educated society which is open to many channels of information, it is not easy to do that. When we watch a movie, surf the internet, read a book, listen to the radio or watch television, we receive many messages. It may be a blatant "in your face" type of message or it may be a sublimal one. Whatever we hear, however seemingly trivial, will have an effect on us.

Keane is now able to string 2 or 3 words into a phrase although he still sticks to the basics. But what is cool now is that he occasionally picks up a book to ask me to read it to him. This is a huge leap from his behaviour in the beginning of this year. He knows when to say thank you when someone does something for him. But he still has a habit of yelling or throwing a tantrum when he doesn't get what he wants. I suspect it's because he is still unable to vocalize his needs and the easiest way, from his past experience, seems to be to throw a tantrum. We are now making an effort to show him that a tantrum is not the way to go. Why do I say it is an effort? It's normally easier to just give in to him and have instant peace once he receives gratification. But that is not the best way to handle things, not for his development anyway. So I'm making an effort to spend more time with him and explain things to him more. I hope it will work. But according to a colleague of mine, "HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY!". He gave me this quote from one of his ex managers. So we'll have to commit to educating Keane and make a plan, so says Peter Drucker.

I heard about the Precious First Born theory over the radio. It seems that parents pay much more attention to their first borns than they do to their subsequent children. It seems that first borns are more favoured over the rest. The first borns get their diapers changed faster than the second or later. Parents are more anxious about their first borns. Personally I think it's a natural behaviour. With experience from taking care of the first born, parents tend not to over-react when something happens with the second or younger children. It's not that the second child is not as important. It's more like the parent has learnt that some things are not as life threatening as they thought it was before. It might also be that the parents are physically tired after taking care of the first baby. The second baby may be less of a novel and so doesn't get as much attention as the first. Is this a syndrome of unfairness? It depends on who you are of course.

I try to give equal attention to my 3 sons. And I really make an effort to try. But sometimes I find that I pay less attention to Xavier because he is the oldest and is now able to take care of himself in some areas so I don't watch over him as closely as I used to when he was younger. But I notice that he gets upset and tries to get my attention with some antics and tantrums. I realize that I must also give him my share of attention. He might not understand that I sometimes have to work late and cannot read to him before he sleeps or cannot go to sleep with him. A child would not have the reasoning of an adult. But he shows an exceptional understanding for a 5 year old. But that has its downside. How good can it be when my child knows that his mommy doesn't spend time with him because she has to work? It all boils down to work life balance. I'm not perfect so I cannot proclaim to do a good job. I can only say I try my best and ask God to take of the rest.

Relationships

Why am I blogging again today when my last post was what is considered very recent by my standards? I had a sudden surge of emotions following recently humbling events.

Today I want to write about relationships. There are many types of relationships between couples which we can observe, ranging from ideal to hellish. What is ideal and what is hellish? This varies person from person simply because we are human and we are different. Our state of emotion, opinions, attitudes and outlook all change over time. How we look at something today may not be the same perspective we adopt tomorrow. How we feel about an incident may vary depending on our state of emotion at that point.

What is my ideal relationship? I crave an open and honest relationship. I want to be able to share my feelings with my partner without having to consider his feelings, without worrying whether I hurt his pride or not. I am not talking about taking out my frustrations on him or saying hurtful things. I want to be able to say what I mean and mean what I say. I don't want to lie, I don't want to tell him things that he wants to hear just so that I will not hurt his feelings or pride. I want him to be able to know that I need him to understand how I feel. I want him to know that I tell him things which may hurt him or make him look bad because I want him to be a better person. I want him to know his weaknesses so that he can be a better man. I don't want him to become the man I want him to be. I want him to be the best kind of man that he can be. And I expect the same in return. It is with love that we tell our partners their weaknesses so that they can grow. If we don't care about them, the effort to do that wouldn't be worth it. If we don't care love them, we won't see the kind of person we know they can be and much more.

Familiarity breeds contempt. That is a true statement indeed. The person you married years back seem to have changed. Did she really change or did she just become more comfortable with you that she can do anything she feels like in front of you? Maybe she feels that she doesn't need to put up a front when she is alone with you. She might feel that you would accept her for who she is, no matter what she says or does. Is that taking things for granted? Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on whether you are on the receiving end or not.

Is there a balance between "Absence makes the heart fonder" and "Familiarity breeds contempt"? Or is it a choice that we have to make - a choice of how we want to look at things?

The Dalai Lama wrote but maybe not in these exact words:
If a problem has a solution, it is not a problem. So don't worry. If a problem has no solution, there is nothing you can do about it. So don't worry.

Verbal diarrhea

Some time last month I read an article about celebrity bloggers. There was feedback on how some readers like the simple style of some bloggers who make their blog an easy read. There was complains about another blogger putting her journalistic skills so much into use that reading her blog is somewhat a chore.

I think I'm like that. I try to type in complete proper sentences and avoid Singlish vaguely like the plague. After all I'm blogging to practice my writing skills and leave something for my kids to read when I die. So I don't care if you think reading my blog is like reading a novel or a collection of short stories. If you don't like it, go away.

I'm not into Twitter and I'm not into Facebook or any of the other social networks available on the vast Internet. I'm not that sociable. I don't want to put photos of my children on my blog or on my seldom used Facebook. I have a phobia of paedophiles lurking in the wilderness of the Internet. A friend of mine, Matt, fears that he may have offended someone who might use his kids to threaten him. I'm bad, but I'm not that bad. Sorry Matt, had to take that blow below the belt.

This week I learnt a hard lesson. I remember when I was 12, my dad told me that when I grew up, I must make sure I take care of my brother. Growing up, I always remembered that. Little did I know that it was my brother who will one day take care of me and bail me out of a nasty situation. I went through something very humbling and through that, I learnt that blood is truly thicker than water. I will strive to teach my sons such that they will support each other when they grow up.

I also learnt that a true friend will always stay a true friend. I'm one of those extremely lazy people who never make any effort to stay in touch with friends. I'm always the last to reply to an email asking for confirmation to a gathering. I don't call, I don't sms, I don't email. There are only a small handful of people who accept me as I am. These are my friends who always care about me, even though I disappear from their lives for weeks, months or even years. When we meet up, it's like there's no distance between the days. I had the fortune of meeting up with a few good friends recently and I realize that our friendship is really genuine. I can still feel their care and concern. Thanks to the Beanie, Robin Hood, the Biker and the Pilot. You guys are best!

I was considering starting an anonymous blog to write my life story. One day I will write my life story. I don't want to be nameless except for the fact that I might embarrass my family members. I'll write my life story so that my kids can read and learn from my mistakes. I'll get to it when I do......

Quote for the day:
To make a mistake is part of life, to learn from it is a blessing, to ignore it is a waste.