I just turned 39 a couple of hours ago and am in a mid life crisis. I'm beginning to be obsessed with Ryan Gosling. No, it's not a school girl crush like some would call it. And I don't have Ryan Baby Goose on my desktop or my iPhone wall.
I just enjoy watching his movies, listening to Dead Man's Bones and drooling over him. Man, he is such delectable eye candy! Ok, so it's almost like a school girl crush. I know it's totally ridiculous that a mother of 3 would be watching his movies and listening to his songs almost everyday. I google him once in a while. Ok, ok, maybe more than once in a while. I refuse to admit how often. Now you know how seriously silly this is.
I don't even fantasize about this guy. I don't want to marry him. The thought never occurred to me. Honestly! This obsession started after watching his appearance on a couple of talk shows. Before that I was just admiring an actor who was way too easy on the eyes and could act. After the talk shows, he became some what more human. I agree it's a bit hard to understand what goes on in my head some times. I've been struggling with that for at least 30 years, assuming I was lucid at 9.
Truthfully, I would be grateful for a chance to talk to him for an hour. That's all I ask.
Enough of the Baby Goose. Back to my mid life crisis. Here I am at 39. I said I got a hair cut to get over the crisis. I did it but it didn't work.
I saw a lady with a tattoo on her shoulder at the gym today. Yes, I am still persisting with the gym workouts. It was not a drop dead gorgeous or strikingly commanding tattoo. But the fact that she had a tattoo was pretty cool. To me at least. So the competitive part of me said, "Hey, if I were to get a tattoo, it will be one that's way cooler than that." Humph.
So I consulted my conscience in such matters, Gabriel, who totally encouraged me to get a tatt. Yes, I am committing this to words so that he will not forget that he said, "Go on, get one. Make sure it's nice. And throw in a couple of piercings along the way!" Yes, he said that, though not in so many words. And he promised to throw a party where he would totally embarrass me after I get my tatt. What a friend! All he did for his mid life crisis was to get a bike. Or so he says.
I'm 90% sure I'll get a tattoo. But I'm 95% sure I will chicken out. See the conflicts? Sometimes I feel like I have a split personality. Maybe it's just an excuse for myself. I am not going there for fear that I say something politically incorrect and get flamed. If I say anything that is biased, thoughtless, politically wrong or prejudiced, please don't take it that way. I genuinely don't mean to.
Anyway, I have a constant struggle when I am faced with trivial decisions. Where work, the kids, the family are concerned, I have a clear decision tree. Always do what is right and what is good for the family. Where my personal life is concerned, I am always in a dilemma. I don't know if I am the only one with this condition but I sure hope not.
Yes, I went to work today despite it being my birthday. To me a birthday is just a reminder that I am getting old and supposedly more matured. I don't like to be reminded that I am not matured so I try not to make a big deal out of my birthday. The nice thing was some colleagues bought me lunch yesterday and my team bought me lunch today. People do like me. Or I give the impression that I love being sucked up to. I hope it's the former.
I told Gabriel that I should publish our conversations because they are such a blast. One day....some day. But I promised him I will not publish his full name. That being said, the only people who read my blog are my friends and more than half of them know who he is.
I shall let you know when I decide to publish a book. Are they still popular? They are to me. Nothing beats a book......other than a certain baby goose. Yeah, I'm a basket case now.
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