I was reminded of what the school counsellor said last year during the first parent teacher conference. At that time, the counsellor said he was going to continue monitoring Keane's behaviour in school. Since I didn't hear from him since then, I thought all was well.
I decided to bring Keane to a GP on my company's panel of clinics, hoping that it would be easier than going through the polyclinic. After a harrowing day, I was no better off. I went to the GP by myself in the morning and was told that the doctor had to observe Keane before he could write a referral letter. He advised me to go to the polyclinic which would be a much cheaper route. I was concerned about the timeliness of going that route so I insisted that I wanted to go through the panel. So I brought Keane back to the GP in the afternoon. It was another doctor in duty. This doctor didn't even talk to Keane but wrote a referral letter immediately. The nurses were unable to fix an appointment for me on the same day and asked me to return in the evening. I was unable to return in the evening but called back the next morning. Unfortunately the nurses told me that KK Hospital attended to only children below the age of 6. So the clinic wasn't able to do anything for me.
After much swearing to myself, I called the school principal. She said she would ask the counsellor to contact me. I was surprised that the principal was aware of Keane's behaviour. It doesn't seem like a good sign for my son to be in the principals radar.
He was so disruptive that the administrative assistant advised me to pull him out. Keane was almost going to give up too. But his teacher said he was doing better and that he had a flair for dancing. I was not going to let him give up so easily so I had a heart to heart talk with him. I learned that he was frustrated because he was unable to follow the steps in class. I told him that he was there to learn, not to perform. It's perfectly normal for him to be unable to execute the steps at the first try. I told him that I would be disappointed with him for not even trying, rather than not being able to dance. After that talk, he was able to accept that he wasn't perfect and it was more important for him to try. My son had learnt the meaning of grit. However, disaster struck again when a relief teacher took over the class for a couple of weeks. He couldn't understand the change of teacher and sat out the entire class. After some explanation, peace returned the next week.
What did the counsellor say back then? Keane was unable to control his emotions, showed reluctance to use words to express himself and largely kept to himself at school. It was an extension of his behaviour in pre-school with the exception that he could control his emotions with much effort and guidance. He was still unable to adapt to new situations or changes to his routine without advance warning.
I decided to bring Keane to a GP on my company's panel of clinics, hoping that it would be easier than going through the polyclinic. After a harrowing day, I was no better off. I went to the GP by myself in the morning and was told that the doctor had to observe Keane before he could write a referral letter. He advised me to go to the polyclinic which would be a much cheaper route. I was concerned about the timeliness of going that route so I insisted that I wanted to go through the panel. So I brought Keane back to the GP in the afternoon. It was another doctor in duty. This doctor didn't even talk to Keane but wrote a referral letter immediately. The nurses were unable to fix an appointment for me on the same day and asked me to return in the evening. I was unable to return in the evening but called back the next morning. Unfortunately the nurses told me that KK Hospital attended to only children below the age of 6. So the clinic wasn't able to do anything for me.
After much swearing to myself, I called the school principal. She said she would ask the counsellor to contact me. I was surprised that the principal was aware of Keane's behaviour. It doesn't seem like a good sign for my son to be in the principals radar.
When the counsellor called back, we fixed an appointment after a brief discussion of the situation. He saw some improvement towards the end of last year but the behaviour pattern returned at the beginning of this year. He was glad that I reached out to the school and shared more information about Keane's behaviour.
Keane is very good natured, generous and innocent. However, he faces challenges in adapting to new circumstances. He loves dancing and pestered us to let him go for hip hop classes. We signed him up for weekly hip hop junior classes at The Ballet School late last year. The first few weeks were distressing to say the least. He would run out of the class in frustration or throw a tantrum in the class. The strange thing was that he reported every disruptive action to me immediately after class. He knew that he would get into trouble but it never crossed his mind to cover up. Such was his innocence. On good days, he would run out of the class with his hair wet with perspiration and tell me he did well. On bad days, he would drag his feet out with a head of dry hair. It was painfully adorable. Each week, as I waited for him while having a foot massage, my heart was in my mouth, hoping the administrative assistant at the school wouldn't call me.
He was so disruptive that the administrative assistant advised me to pull him out. Keane was almost going to give up too. But his teacher said he was doing better and that he had a flair for dancing. I was not going to let him give up so easily so I had a heart to heart talk with him. I learned that he was frustrated because he was unable to follow the steps in class. I told him that he was there to learn, not to perform. It's perfectly normal for him to be unable to execute the steps at the first try. I told him that I would be disappointed with him for not even trying, rather than not being able to dance. After that talk, he was able to accept that he wasn't perfect and it was more important for him to try. My son had learnt the meaning of grit. However, disaster struck again when a relief teacher took over the class for a couple of weeks. He couldn't understand the change of teacher and sat out the entire class. After some explanation, peace returned the next week.
The same pattern happened at Mindchamps and at school when he had a change of teacher. The good thing is the adults realized this and prompted him of the changes ahead of time. With advance warning, Keane was able to accept new teachers much more easily.
During discussions with the counsellor, I learnt that he didn't mix with his school mates very much. He would eat by himself during recess and he would walk around by himself or sit outside the general office before recess ends. Now I know why he said he doesn't have friends in school. He refers to his classmates as "the pupils". However, he demonstrated positive interaction when he was with Xavier.
Keane was still unwilling to use words to communicate if he could help it. He'd rather use gestures. However, he can rattle off facts he learns from reading comics or watching television programmes. He doesn't initiate hugs or physical contact. He hates it when his brothers kiss him, crying bloody murder about the onslaught of germs. He doesn't love anyone, if his answer to the question "Who do you love?" can be trusted. It took me almost a year to drill into him that his family members loved him. Our conversations used to go like this:
Mummy: Who do you love, Keane?
Keane: Nobody....
Mummy: Who loves you then?
Keane: Nobody....
Other than feeling heartache, I was very worried. Something is not right. So the conversations became:
Mummy: Who do you love, Keane?
Keane: Nobody....
Mummy: Who loves you then?
Keane: Nobody....
Mummy: No, Mummy and Daddy love you. Xavier and Ryan loves you.
A while later, it goes:
Mummy: Does Mummy love you, Keane?
Keane: Yes....(with much reluctance)
Mummy: Does Daddy love you, Keane?
Keane: No......
Mummy: Why?
Keane: Daddy always scold me.
Mummy: Daddy scolds you because he wants you to do the right things. When you do something wrong, Daddy will scold you so that you will remember what is the right thing to do.
Keane: Okaaaay.....
You get the picture. After a year, he can tell me that Daddy, Mummy, Ye Ye, Ah Ma, Gong Gong and Po Po love him. Xavier and Ryan too, although with some reluctance. His concept of love is not as developed as other children his age.
We did a test which was supposed to provide a gauge of Keane's development in 3 areas with the school counsellor. The 3 areas were social development, language and communication. Or something like that. The scoring was based on observations made by the counsellor and ourselves. His score for language was significantly low enough to warrant follow up with the education psychologist appointed by the Ministry of Education.
We met with the education psychologist who went through a similar discussion with us. We also noticed that he puts in a lot of effort to write neatly. The observation at the end is he needs help in the form of Speech and Language Therapy (SLT) and may need Occupational Therapy (OT) after further observation.
After a couple of days we received a recommendation letter which we were supposed to bring with us to the polyclinic. This allowed us to obtain a referral to the Child Development Unit (CDU) of the National University Hospital (NUH) at a heavily subsidized rate. We are waiting for the CDU to call with an appointment date.
Through this episode thus far, I discovered the vast improvement towards student care. We have never had such options in the past, at least not that I'm aware of. My colleague from the USA shared that the schools in the US do not provide such options. You would have to seek private help if needed.
I'm glad that we are taking steps towards helping Keane. At least we will know if he truly has Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Knowing is a lot better than not knowing. I'll try to update as often as I can to share the experience with anyone interested in knowing. Wish us luck!
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