Relationships

Why am I blogging again today when my last post was what is considered very recent by my standards? I had a sudden surge of emotions following recently humbling events.

Today I want to write about relationships. There are many types of relationships between couples which we can observe, ranging from ideal to hellish. What is ideal and what is hellish? This varies person from person simply because we are human and we are different. Our state of emotion, opinions, attitudes and outlook all change over time. How we look at something today may not be the same perspective we adopt tomorrow. How we feel about an incident may vary depending on our state of emotion at that point.

What is my ideal relationship? I crave an open and honest relationship. I want to be able to share my feelings with my partner without having to consider his feelings, without worrying whether I hurt his pride or not. I am not talking about taking out my frustrations on him or saying hurtful things. I want to be able to say what I mean and mean what I say. I don't want to lie, I don't want to tell him things that he wants to hear just so that I will not hurt his feelings or pride. I want him to be able to know that I need him to understand how I feel. I want him to know that I tell him things which may hurt him or make him look bad because I want him to be a better person. I want him to know his weaknesses so that he can be a better man. I don't want him to become the man I want him to be. I want him to be the best kind of man that he can be. And I expect the same in return. It is with love that we tell our partners their weaknesses so that they can grow. If we don't care about them, the effort to do that wouldn't be worth it. If we don't care love them, we won't see the kind of person we know they can be and much more.

Familiarity breeds contempt. That is a true statement indeed. The person you married years back seem to have changed. Did she really change or did she just become more comfortable with you that she can do anything she feels like in front of you? Maybe she feels that she doesn't need to put up a front when she is alone with you. She might feel that you would accept her for who she is, no matter what she says or does. Is that taking things for granted? Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on whether you are on the receiving end or not.

Is there a balance between "Absence makes the heart fonder" and "Familiarity breeds contempt"? Or is it a choice that we have to make - a choice of how we want to look at things?

The Dalai Lama wrote but maybe not in these exact words:
If a problem has a solution, it is not a problem. So don't worry. If a problem has no solution, there is nothing you can do about it. So don't worry.