Friendship

It's amazing how friendships can withstand time, especially for someone like me. I'm not good at making effort to keep in touch with friends. It's a miracle that I still have friends from 20 years ago. I've not kept in touch with anyone who went to the same primary or secondary school with. I've lost all contact with friends from university as well. The bunch that could really survive my lack of effort were the guys from my junior college, specifically the ones from the students' council.

Maybe it's because they knew me when I was at my best. At a time when I wasn't bossy, aloof and self absorbed. When I was 16, I was more cheery, less jaded and just simply sunshine. Of course there will always be those, like Gabriel, who will beg to differ. He knows too many of my dark secrets and would make a lucrative trade through blackmail or sale of secrets.

Jokes aside, these are the people I trust and most accepting of me, faults and all in tow. Maybe I'm just being too critical of the other people who were once part of my life. Truth be told, those days when I was with this group of friends was when I truly was at my best as a person. I felt good when I was with them.

At other times of my life, I was either trying to figure out what I wanted and ignoring people around me or just plain self centered, going after what I thought I wanted in life then. It was mistake after mistake. That is the part of growing up. I'm taking a defensive approach of "out of sight, out of mind". If I don't see the people who witnessed my mistakes or who were hurt in the process, I would not feel so bad. It's like how some people change jobs to have a fresh start. I did that once and never looked back since.

Marriage and family definitely affected my social life as well but I don't feel the loss. My family is still the most important part of my life.

I'm just glad that I still have this group of friends. They know me and know that my lack of effort does not equate to my lack of spirit. After all, my flesh is truly and undeniably weak. That's my excuse.